Remember

Broken

⚠️ depression and suicide ahead! please read with this in mind ⚠️

"Real depression is when you stop loving the things you love."

It's a quote Yoongi had heard growing up. The people around him who he once loved dearly became nobodies, including his parents. His interest in music died down after the constant backlash he received from his mother when she was alive. School just became a waste of his time. It's how he lived, yet all that mattered to him was finding a way to survive in this world.

Hoseok on the other hand? He never had anything to love from the beginning. His family hated him, people around his age despised him, and strangers would judge him from behind, whispering about his screams from the prior night or the bloody marks on his bodies and how they were in different places every time. Once the depression kicked in, he didn't have anything left to hate— except himself. He grew an immense hatred for the reflection he had to stare at each time he looked in a mirror. He'd harm the flesh of his perfect, glowing skin with scars of a reminder of his hatred for himself. He'd starve to the brink of dying; it was all he could think about.

But one day, he found someone just as broken as he was. Wrapping Yoongi around his finger was a piece of cake, but falling in love was unexpected. Wanting to ruin someone's life who was just as broken as him turned out to become the person who would return the love he once gave himself, but also helped him experience love for something other than himself. Yoongi and Jimin taught him and made him feel things he'd never felt before, content filling his heart and he felt safe.

But..

"Real depression is when you stop loving the things you love."

Things never stay the same? Hoseok did.

Depression was back like a bitch. The two boys who took him in even after learning about his fucked up past were removed from his 'best friend' category and moved down to the same category as his sister— dead. It was like they were dead to him. He didn't care for them, the love in his heart refilling with horrible thoughts and sadness.

Depression.

He didn't want to leave the warmth of his room, but not leaving would mean them worrying and he didn't want them involved. Instead, he played along like a little bitch. Smiling and laughing with them as if his insides didn't feel like a pool of acid was slowly eating him inside it. Forcing himself to eat just so Jimin would smile with glee, ignoring the pains all over his body just so he could hold Yoongi until he was asleep even if Hoseok couldn't, and pushing back the anger building up when they wanted to make plans to go out.

Hoseok's Depression dissolved his body into a fire of worthlessness. He wanted to die, but it took everything in him not to.

"Real depression is when you stop loving the things you love."

No matter how much he searched.
He didn't have anything to love left.

~~~~~

Jimin held Yoongi tightly in the comfort of his arms, the sweater he wore keeping Yoongi shivering body warm. Yoongi's tears spilled out of his eyes as they stood in front of the tree, the stone wet in front of it with the tears from the sky and some from Yoongi. Jimin's mind fogged up with thoughts, unable to portray and understand how Hoseok had just left them— left Yoongi— without a second thought.

After a few minutes of sobbing into his husband's shoulder, Yoongi looked up at the sky. "He killed himself that day," he finally concluded the story. Jimin put a hand over his mouth, his eyes immediately releasing streams of tears. "Left a note, too." Yoongi reached into his pocket and pulled out his wallet that held the note Hoseok left just for him. Yoongi handed it to Jimin, suggesting him to read it.

Jimin carefully unfolded the old sheet of paper, reading off what Hoseok's last words were.

Yoongi,

I understand that by now you're probably quite disappointed in the decision I brought upon myself. We were happy and you're probably wondering what went wrong that I considered costing us our love. Just want to tell you, it wasn't your fault, yeah? Instead, of thinking of the negative aspect and blaming yourself, remember what we had.
Remember when we first met? I basically fell in love with you that very day.
Remember when we first kissed and I got so scared I made a wrong move.
Remember when we both stayed at the tree in the schoolyard and fell asleep together?
Remember when you followed me home and I told you my life story? Yet despite all of that, you still loved me for who I was.
And even though I couldn't give you your love back properly, remember to be happy.
Remember to take care of yourself AND Jimin.
Remember to ask for help if you need it, sometimes you're not as strong as you may think.
Remember to follow the dreams you've set for yourself.
Remember my dream was to be a father, so how about you take care of that for me.
Remember that you are worth absolutely everything.
Remember you are so loved by me and Jimin and all your fans.
Today, tomorrow, yesterday, I love you.
Remember that.

Your Hope

Jimin's arms dropped to his side, gripping the sheet tightly. The streams of tears continued to run down his face, not seeming to stop anytime soon. Jimin could hear Hoseok's blissful voice reminding them these things as if he were still there standing with them in front of his very own grave. It was ironic.

Hoseok's love seemed to be the most obvious yet his end turned out the most unexpected. The cheerful boy ended up being the most vulnerable between the three of them.

Looking up at the gray skies beginning to clear up and once again the bright, radiant sun shone through the moving, water filled clouds. The sky regained it's pride, repainting with its usual baby blue color. Jimin looked over at Yoongi who was bent in front of Hoseok's grave, wiping the photo of him smiling gleefully off from the dirt that collected overtime from being on the ground. He set the new bouquet of flowers beside his already colorful grave— so colorful that it was overwhelming— but they wanted to keep it as cheerful as the boy once made them.

Without saying a word, Jimin sat down, crisscrossed in front of the grave. He put his palms together, praying to god that Hoseok was now in heaven thriving and continuing to watch both of them as they moved on with their lives with much effort after the loss of someone as great as him. All he wanted was to see Hoseok again someday, but for now, he just wanted to be sure he was happier now. Yoongi too sat down, putting his hands together, nose dribbling out some snot as he tilt his head over but just ignored it. He prayed that he would never forget the feelings he felt with Hoseok and that although he was gone, the memories would never leave his mind no matter how much time passed.

Hoseok's last wish was for Yoongi to remember, and that's exactly what Yoongi planned on doing for the rest of his life.

The End.

And that is it ladies and gentleman! My first book is completed :) I did have a lot of fun, sort of stressful because I came up with the storyline as I wrote each chapter so I didn't really know what I was writing LMAO. Anyways, I do hope you enjoyed and please anticipate a (maybe) new book !! Not sure yet!

Let me know what you thought of the ending! Did you expect it and also if possible, tell me how I can improve :D thank ya!