Amy's Purpose (Final Draft)

Prologue

This is a pre-warning. This book contains many triggers, mentions of self-harm, suicide, anxiety, ptsd, abuse, etc. If you are triggered by any of these things, please refrain from reading. Read at your own risk if you choose to continue.

This is a final warning.

Narrator:

Some experts say that you experience your entire life as you die. They say you see the happiness, the sadness, the ups and downs. Some say that it is like a movie...but in my case I would say that whoever was watching would be watching a bad movie. Two stars, at most. Too much darkness, they would say, not enough happiness, none to make you like it, anyways. My movie would be the most depressing movie of the century, and I was beginning to think that it would never end, that I would be stuck in this loophole forever.

I used to think about my funeral, more than I cared to admit. Would anyone come? My mother, of course. She would cry; I knew that much. But the kids from school? Would they come, pretend to care, shed a tear or two, make a soppy post on Instagram, and then go out to eat before forgetting about me entirely? Would they say how great of a person I was, how strong I was, how good of a friend I was, how I was taken too early? Would they moan on and on about knowing me when none of them knew me at all? And when I was finally buried, when I was finally six feet under, would my mother sit by my grave and stare at my headstone, wondering where it all went wrong? Would she wonder what happened? Would she blame herself? Would she eventually get over it?

I didn't know the answer to those questions, but it hadn't stopped me thinking about it. I thought about it a lot, sometimes I still do. But there was no use in thinking about it anymore. There was no use in breathing, existing. It was the way life went, and I had come to terms with it. But I needed it to stop. Though, some would argue that death could be put off, that death could wait, that we had lives to live, it couldn't be taken from us. I didn't think so. I never have.

You know what I think?