The football player's cheerleader✔️

45

I haven't left my bedroom in the last two weeks. Mom has been calling me in sick knowing i was hurting. Luke would eat breakfast with me in the morning before he headed to school. We didn't talk, he just made sure i would eat. Mom and Luke would both eat with me during dinner. While Luke and Ricky were at school, i'd stay in bed in the dark. At night, i would spend hours sitting in the shower, thinking, and crying.

I was in so much pain. I didn't know leaving him would hurt this badly. The only thing that's been keeping me going is knowing he'll have a happy life. That's all i cared about. Either way, whatever i ended up doing, he would've hated me.

My bedroom door opened. I lifted my head up and turned my head to see Dana. "damn, Luke wasn't kidding. You really haven't left your room."

"What do you want?"

"That's not a nice way to talk to your best friend."

"I'm tired Dana," i said laying my head back down.

"Leia, i know you're upset but staying in here all by yourself all the time isn't healthy."

"I don't care," i said. "I don't feel good and i just want to sleep."

"I understand-"

"No Dana, you don't understand," i cried. I sat up. "Every minute of every day, everything hurts. My head pounds and i think of him all the time. My heart aches. Most days i feel like i can't breathe knowing he never loved me. He used me."

"I'm am sorry but you need to get out of this house. You need to start living again."

"I don't want to live anymore," i screamed. I put my head in my hands. My eyes started tearing up. I wiped my falling tears. "It's too hard. It hurts. Dana, everything hurts."

"Okay," she said softly. "I'll go, do you need anything?" i shook my head. I laid back down. "I'll come by later to check on you." i closed my eyes. I heard my door open and close so i knew she was gone. I fell back asleep.

I woke back up when i heard the door open again. I turned my head to see Ricky. I laid my head back down on my pillow. I felt the bed dip. I felt his hand lightly run up and down my back. "Hey, baby."

"I really don't want to talk," i whispered.

"Then how about you listen for a little bit." he moved and laid down beside me wrapping his arms around me. He rubbed up and down my arms, just like Nick used to do. "I know it's hard right now but it'll pass. You won't always feel like this. You won't always feel like you wanna die."

"It really hurts."

"I know baby. I do know what you're feeling; like life isn't worth living anymore, like nothing in the world matters anymore." he kissed the back of my head. "I regretted it the second i cut my wrists. I don't want you to make the same mistake i did." i rolled over and wrapped my arms around him. He hugged me close to him. He kissed the top of my head. "We can stay here as long as you need but eventually you need to get out of this room even just for a little while." i tucked my head into his chest. He rubbed up and down my back.

"If- if i chose to leave, you won't make me see him right?"

"Of course not."

"I am a little hungry."

He smiled. "Then let's get you some food. Do you wanna go to Abuela's?" i quickly shook my head. "He won't be there, i promise. I'm gonna grab you a change of clothes okay?" i nodded. I forced myself to sit up while Ricky went over to my closet. He handed me a white tank top, a dark tan skirt, and a light brown cardigan. I stripped out of my pajamas and changed into the outfit he picked out for me.