Wonder | SM

Chapter One

Song of the Chapter - Oh My God by Alec Benjamin

SHAWN

I grew up loving music. I am who I am today because of it. After not picking up a guitar for 6 months, I've changed, internally and externally. I barely recognize myself, in a way that I can't even explain. Not only did I lose myself, but I lost the love of my life to someone else. The pain I felt? Unbearable. I would never wish that pain upon my worst enemy. And with that... I am my own worst enemy.

I've been cooped up inside my Los Angeles home for the past half of a year, and it was the loneliest time of my life. I denied all of my friend's requests to come over and hang out with me, and I pushed them away. Regardless of how damaged I was, a part of me wished that they'd reject my no's and come bursting through my front door to comfort me. But, no. They knew I needed to be alone.

Sitting on this train for hours has got me thinking about my parents and how disappointed they're going to be in me for doing a whole lot of nothing for all of these months. They expect me to turn to music as my comfort mechanism, and trust me I do too, but being around music reminded me too much of her, almost to the point where I didn't think I'd be able to write a single song again. I would hate to let them down, even more than I have to myself, but I have no energy left to try and make it seem like everything's okay.

The hard material of the train seat was starting to numb the bottom half of my body, so I shifted uncomfortably to try and find a position that would make this ride just a bit more subtle. I'm quite surprised that no one on this train has recognized me, or even gave me a menacing glare. I'm relieved that I finally have some privacy, but I'm also terrified that I'm not getting swarmed by a group of teenage girls who love my music. I'm not used to being "normal."

My luggage was snug to my legs, so close to the point where there's barely any room for me to stretch my long legs out to relax them. Perks of being over 6 feet tall.

The people around me were older. What a surprise. At this point in time, people would most likely choose to catch a flight instead of going on a long train ride. But for me, not this time. Being on a train for 64 hours was enough time to panic about seeing my parents, to mentally laugh at how much time I wasted sitting in my house in LA doing nothing for 6 months, and how happy I am to be heading back home. Sadly, though, I'd be back there in less than 2 hours. 2 hours until I have to face the reality of being hidden from the public for half of a year.

As my mind is dozing off to how stupid I must look sitting on a train for about 3 days, my eyes trail over to the seats diagonally in front of me. The first thing I see is curly brown hair, and scoff at how she hasn't noticed that a worldwide pop star is sitting right behind her. Then, I realize what's resting on her lap. A laptop. A laptop that has Pro Tools pulled up with layers of sound waves being stacked upon each other, and I knew exactly what this meant. Whoever this girl is... she's making a song.

I haven't come across music in so long that even thinking about it seems foreign to me. All of the blood in my body has rushed to my head as my veins begin to fill with adrenaline. Why am I eager to find out what she's working on? She's a stranger who would totally freak out if I went and sat in the empty seat next to her. I think that perhaps her music could inspire me to get back to my own work, but I continue to think of the negatives. How she could have something better than everything I've released in my career. Or what if she's this huge deal in the music industry that I don't know about. She seems quite young.

I begin to think to myself. It might startle her if I just randomly plop down next to her. Maybe she'll be surprised? Or happy? There's a small chance that she'll punch me in the jaw out of fear, but I'm willing to risk that. Something was drawing me towards her, but I can't quite wrap it around my finger.