Rosie || h.s.

1.2- Rosie

I didn't know what was happening to me.

my heart was racing as I closed the door to my room behind me. my face flushed to a point id never been before. I looked at myself in the mirror and couldnt believe that my lips were red compared to the usual pink.

I couldnt believe how I still felt the ghost of his lips on mine.

couldnt believe i kissed harry styles.

fletcher was going to flip his lid if he found out.

I felt so so so guilty.

guilty for going behind his back and kissing his brother, guilty for lying to him, guilty for liking it so so much, for wanting to never stop kissing him. I had to catch my breath thinking this over.

it had to be a one-time thing, I couldnt let anything rin my friendship with fletcher. without Fletcher, I'd be left alone. I didn't have anyone else but max Arnold and just thinking about that made me what to cry.

even if harry kissed me, even if I kissed him, even if I liked it, I couldnt do it again.

fletcher meant more to me than any other boy because he's my best friend. without him I didn't know what I would do, school could only take up so much of my time. and I knew fletcher enough to know this would bug him beyond belief, he'd never forgive me for it.

so I made the executive decision to not go to school the next day.

I lied again and told him I wasn't up for anything today and I could so very clearly hear his whine even over the texts he sent.

I couldnt look at fletcher not after kissing harry.

and I couldnt look at harry after what had happened. we kissed almost a lot it seemed and I knew I could not sit in the car with him and fletcher. I could feel physical pain when thinking about it. id probably start crying the second i saw the car outside. so yes I was going to be a cowered today nd just skip it altogether.

it also helped that I didn't have to see max who was texting me non stop. he had sent one apology then went straight into talking about what I should wear for his party.

I was glad my parents were both away for work. if they had been here when max tried to pick me up I would have had to have gone. but since they are gone I can pretend I was too.

so I curled up on my bed hugging my knees close to my chest trying to not think about harry.

it didn't last long.

all I could see in my mind's eye was the image of him with his eyes closed and that smile. his smile changed his whole face, made him look so happy that all I wanted to do was stare at how happy he was, smile back up at him.

does that mean that he liked it? liked kissing me even if I didn't know what I was doing?

well, he had said he liked it, that he didn't do it often but he could tell every girl that and I had no way of knowing.

I rolled over in bed with a sigh. life was so much easier when I didn't have to worry about boys. the only thing I had to worry about was if fletcher was going to fall out of a tree and if we would get in trouble for it.

I got up and got dressed, needing something to clear my mind. I had done all my work the second id got home, trying not to ask harry to stay, kiss me more.

I never understood how kissing could be appealing to people. when I saw it in movies or the halls it always just freaked me out. being so close to another person's face, breathing in the same air as them, what if they had bad breath? or what if they had too much saliva? harry didn't have bad breath, I wasn't drowning in saliva. I'd never been in a rush to lose my first kiss but now that it was gone I only wanted to think of kissing harry. or having him kiss me.

this is another reason id avoided it, I had seen the girls in my grade go 'boy crazy' kissed or not and I didn't want that. it scared me to devote so much of my life to one thing. I didn't want that at all, and if it didn happen I didn't want it to be a boy, maybe my work or something i was passionate about but not a boy.

I'd seen enough movies to know how it ends. to know how it really ends.

I dont want heartbreak or stress. I dont need it in my life.

well, no one wants those things and yet we all have to have them.

I tried and failed to ignore my brain. I knew that love, kissing, sex must have something to it that made people act too foolish. and I didn't think id never find it or want it but I avoided anything that had to do with it so I could withhold any pain as long as I could.

im getting ahead of myself. I knew harry didn't do relationships, heard girls complain about it often in gym class or the bathrooms. I wasn't going to belive id be the one to change that.

it hurt just a bit but I knew, all in all, it was for the best. Tomorrow I could go to school and act as nothing happened. act as if he didn't exist at all because he didn't exist past him being fletchers brother. I had to force myself to believe that much.

and as I braided my hair a ringing came from the doorbell and I wondered if a package had arrived.

I pulled the door open only to reveal Harry Styles himself looking back at me.

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