Rosie || h.s.

5.6- Harry

I had driven to the lake. parked my car in the same place we had parked when I had brought her here to swim. her dress folded neatly on the backseat. I never had the chance to give it back to her. I had washed it, dried it, folded it, and yet it still hadn't found her. 

I sat in the gravel just watching the water as the day faded before me. thought about how we would have probably had breakfast this morning, how I'd kiss her in the car and she would laugh into my mouth and id feel as if I was capturing the sun in my chest. 

most of my time now was taken up by writing. never before had I felt a call to write a song before but to distract myself I found it easy, like being called back to a different time. a time when my mom would sit me down and taught me the guitar. her fingers over mine guiding me. music bringing me closer to her than I remembered it ever had before. 

but as the sun was setting, as I picked myself up to head back home, my phone began to ring that familiar sound. rosie's ringtone I had set for her after she had spent the whole day singing the same ABBA song over and over under her breath. 

I fumbled for the phone, it falling from my pocket and sliding under the car. "fuck," I muttered as I crouched down in the gravel to get it. I prayed she wouldn't hang up, prayed if she did she would answer if I called her back. 

but I got the phone from under the car and answered it before I had to think anything of it. 

"Rosie?" my voice out of breath and almost in a panic. 

"hi," she muttered voice soft and most broken over the line. 

we were silent, waiting for the other to talk. 

I could feel my heart in my throat, that knot solid and uncomfortable but I would wait a lifetime to hear her speak even one syllable. 

"I um...I wanted to tell you I picked a college," 

"oh?" I asked pulling open my car door to sit down. my knees weak with nervousness. 

"and to tell you I'm leaving to go to my aunts up north in a week," 

the sentence was like a punch to the solar plexus. all breath leaving me as I thought over what she said. 

she was leaving, sooner than later. the one thing I had loved slipping through my fingers. I blinked knowing this would come eventually. I knew even before all of this that she would be leaving, going to college somewhere I wasn't but I had been fine with that. I had been in her life then, I knew we would call, that I would visit, now...now I didn't know what to make of us. 

I wouldn't push her, I knew she needed this. I would respect that. but it didn't keep it from hurting like a fucking bitch. 

"Rosie..." I hadn't even noticed my chin moving until my voice cracked over my words. I didn't care if she knew I cried.

"I'm so sorry," she whispered and I could imagine her with her hand over her mouth, the tears running down her cheeks colored that soft baby pink. 

"I get it, you don't have to explain," I muttered but I felt horrible like I needed a drink, like I needed her. I had found myself turning to her for my salvation now she was going to leave. 

what would happen to me when she's gone?

I was horrible before her, I didn't want that part of myself back any more than I wanted her to leave. but I had to let her go, had to. 

"I'm sorry Harry," 

"don't Rosie, it's okay, just don't apologize," 

"I love you," she whispered voice broken into a million pieces. as she said it. "I still love you, I just, I just can't stay here anymore. I love you and I don't want you to remember me all horrible and ugly and I don't want to be scared of you. I never was before I just can't stop thinking of... of him, and I don't want-" she broke off a sob leaving her lips. "I don't want to associate you with him even if you were always so gentle with me. thank you for that harry truly, I love you but even the thought of having someone put a finger on me just makes me scared," 

I bit my lip, a mix of anger and sadness washing over me. he ruined everything. 

"I love you, Rosie, I've never loved someone like I love you, I've never loved anyone but you." 

"I'm so sorry," she muttered, "I'm so so sorry," 

"I love you," I whispered the only thing that could come up now, "I love you," 

"I love you harry but I cant...I have to break up with you harry," 

I shook my head, my tears hard now as I bit my lip, "I know," I whispered knowing this new pain would last for a long time. 

"thank you harry, for everything," 

"Rosie?" 

"yes?" 

"I'll never stop loving you," 

"ill never stop loving you," she replied, "I have to go,"

"I love you, Rosie," 

"I love you," and she hung up. 

I gripped my phone too tight as I curved into myself, crying like I never had before. 

                THE END

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