Rosie || h.s.

5.5- Rosie

I had cut all my hair. the once long black strands that had hung at my waist now chopped down to my shoulders, framing my face. it had happened soon after I came home. when my parents tried to get me to go to my room to sleep. I hadn't even made it up the stairs before I was crying. I stayed on the sofa, wide awake thinking of what had happened. in seconds I was in the kitchen and without thinking I was cutting my hair.  

it took too long for my bruises to heal. that transition from purple to yellow made me sick as I watched myself in the mirror. each day that passing image of myself harder and harder the bare. 

my parents went away for work a week after everything happened, no time to take off for their daughter. no time to look back at me and apologize for anything. 

fletcher called me every day checking in, dropping off things for me at the door but I didn't feel comfortable with him coming inside yet. I didn't want to associate any bad feelings with him. it was the same reason I couldn't have harry around. 

the smell of wine on him enough to trigger something inside me. that fear something I had never felt around harry and he didn't deserve that.

and every day I looked in the mirror, hair a mess, skin yellowing, eyes hollow. 

I couldn't let harry love a shell of me when I could barely find it in me to love anything I once had. harry the only exception, the only part in my life that made me wish I wasn't so weak. 

as the bruises healed I tried to reason with myself. but I shouldn't have, I deserved the right to feel this way, to be upset. I was broken now, there was no way to get around it. I had to work past it and I could take all the time I wanted, needed. I didn't have to give anyone anything because it didn't matter about them, I was the only thing that mattered now. 

I love harry but I couldn't hurt him any more than I had. loving him hurt too much now. 

so I decided I would move away. 

get away from this town, from all the people in it. even if it meant leaving him. because I couldn't stay, couldn't let harry love someone who was like me. 

I called fletcher and asked him to come over. I couldn't walk into my room, couldn't go back in and see it as it had been before. 

"I need help if you could help me pack, i-i just can't-," 

" you don't have to explain rose, I'll be there in five," 

he hadn't even taken harry's car, he had walked the whole way. 

"where are you going?" he asked and I shook my head. 

I had planned to go to college further north and live with my aunt but that was before harry, before this. the plan changed as my college offers came in and I wanted to go somewhere else but now I felt as if it would be better to stick with the original plan even if I wasn't the one I wanted. I couldn't stay here anymore, wouldn't stay here anymore. 

"to my aunts," the reply simple and he nodded knowing what it meant. 

"When do you leave?" 

"she said I can move in next week," he took in a breath nodding. 

"well ill defiantly miss the fuck out of you," 

and I chuckled knowing I would miss him just as much. 

"I like your hair," he muttered, "very...new," 

I gave a dry laugh, "I don't think I've had short hair since... ever," 

he chuckled shaking his head.

"it's not heavy anymore, and I don't have to brush it as much," 

"well, it looks good," 

the conversation falling off then. I knew we both had harry on our minds. knew it would come up, knew I couldn't lie to Fletcher because he already knew everything about me. he would understand the best.  

"have you spoken to him?" he asked, voice a whisper almost in the empty house. 

I shook my head. harry called, texted every day but I couldn't respond, didn't know how to when I had told him to leave the room. 

 "I can't..." 

"I know and if he's not a dick he'll understand,"

 "I just," I felt my chin quiver and I tried to bit my lip to stop it, "I dont-" 

"rose you don't have to tell me," 

"thank you fletcher, for everything," 

and he almost reached out to hug me but pulled back, "don't cry rose, ill always be here for you. nothing could make me stay away from helping you, hell ill fucking move with you to your aunts.  I just, I think you need to tell him you're going, you know? put him down lightly,"

I nodded, hands moving over my eyes trying to hide the fact is as crying so much. 

"ill be here, packing whatever you want, just try," 

and I picked up my phone, already knowing I wouldn't be able to contain any more tears after this call. 

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