Maybe Someday

Chapter 1

(Clarke's POV)

I can't stop pacing, Cadogan is finally dead and the so called judge vaporised so what is happening? I just want to get to Madi, the test is over, it has to be because I cannot do this. 

"Why am I still here?!"

"You know why."

No........it can't be. I have dreamt about that voice for years now. I hold my breath and slowly turn around to face them. Oh my god. She is exactly as I remember her, soft eyes surrounded by war paint, a perfect straight stance, her back as straight and strong as a pole. She is exactly as I remember yet somehow still different, a little more detached and cold. Still I cannot stop the tears instantly pooling in my eyes as I run and fling myself into her arms, whispering "Lexa" like a prayer to myself. 

As soon as our bodies collide it hits me, this is the judge, she's not my Lexa.......I should probably let go but I can't bring myself to do it. Whether this is the real Lexa or not, she's here in my arms once again and right now I could not be happier.

"I'm not her Clarke."

"I know".

It takes every single bit of strength that I have left to release her and once I do I instantly regret it. Looking in to her eyes, I see the absence of love that I once recognised, now there is nothing. This isn't my Lexa, she may look like her but they are nothing like her.

"The test isn't over?"

"No. I'm sorry we can't stop what's been set in motion." 

The love in her eyes may have vanished, but the softness in her voice is still there, she only ever used it around me, it is not something I could ever forget.

"Your species must now be judged, through you".

I can't do this, I slowly lower my gaze, I can't keep looking in to her eyes, it's like she's there but she's still gone. I have done so many awful things, how am I meant to pass this test? I see her slowly walk towards the pool of blood and kneel down and force myself to face her.

"This man was unarmed, no threat to you yet you killed him. Why?"

"He killed my daughter".

"Is Madi dead?" 

She turns to face me as I answer and with this my throat tightens.

"No, but she will be, because of him".

"So your need for revenge is more important than the fate of the entire human race?"

I feel my anger begin to slowly rise but still do my best to squash it down.

"It's not revenge, it's justice".

"Clarke", she almost whispers, at least the way she says my name has not changed.

"thonbluma ona noda tagon seimwe laik", she turns to face me and pauses, "jus drein jus daun".

Those words hit me like a rock tears once again form in my eyes.

"You don't know my pain".

With those words something within her seems to click.

"You are wrong, during the test I sense every part of you. I'm feeling your pain right now. Not only that but I have the memories of the person that the subject chooses".

With that I can't help but hold my breath, and she sees that.

"You and Lexa overcame everything together, even after she betrayed you. Do you know how much that decision broke her? She cried every night that you were missing, and how did you repay her? You spat in her face. She did everything for you, gave up everything she had learnt since she was a child because she knew you would never forgive her if she killed your people even though they had killed hundreds of her own people. What was it she said? Blood must not have blood?"

At those words I fall to my knees, the pain far too great to stand.

"However", at this I slowly look up, "she did not just do this because she loved you, she didn't want to kill. You gave her that chance to change the traditions, she would have passed the test. Pain breeds pain and that is not justice Clarke, she taught you that so tell me, what  changed?"

I slowly rise to my feet and stare into her eyes, begging her to understand.

"You say you feel my pain? Really? So feel me holding Lexa as she dies. Feel me seeing someone else wear my mother's face. Feel me murder my best friend to protect my daughter only to have her die anyway. Feel that! You show up in the form of the woman I loved and for what?! (that line was in the script but it got cut) You believe that it will be easier for me to admit to what I have done?! You are no better than me, you annihilate entire species because they don't live up to your ideals!"

"I am sorry for all that you have lost. You have bore so much."

I allow my head to drop as tears begin to stream down my face.

"However", my head snaps back up, "you say that you do these things to protect your people but you are all one people. That is why she created the coalition, if she had protected her people the way you have, all of the people you are now protecting would be dead. You began to learn that and for a while you honoured that belief but after a while you lost your way and betrayed everything she stood for, how do you think she felt when she found out?"

"I'm sorry when she found out? She's gone, I loved her and she's gone."

"She was in the flame, imagine finding a new consciousness within Madi only to see you lose yourself when your people came back, you betrayed them and killed so many without reason."

"I.......I was only trying to protect Madi."

"No you fell back into your old pattern, kill or be killed, you could have worked with them rather than being too afraid to lose control that you kill everything that may be a threat."

"But I stopped, after Madi spoke to me, after finding out what Lexa was showing her I helped them. I have tried to do better"

"That does not change what you have done, yes you have attempting to be better but you always fall back into a destructive pattern. I am sorry but if you are humanity, then I am afraid that humanity is not worthy of taking the next step".

My heart instantly drops, I couldn't do it.

"It has been decided. Yu gonplei ste odon."

A bright light begins to grown from her face and the next second I am back in the stone room.....no.