The art of love (Oikawa x suicidal reader)

Chapter 10

Tired. That's all I feel. So tired.

But at the same time, calm. For once, my mind and body aren't in pain, instead all is at ease.

Is this what it feels like to be dead?

I cant feel my body. Thoughts come and go like passing clouds. This simple existance of pure nothingness, it feels like everything I've longed for.

How long has it been? Minutes? Hours? Days? My sense of time has gone, this place of peace feels so new yet so familiar.

I want to stay here forever.

That sentance. I've thought that sentance before. When was it?

I search desperately through what's left of my mind and memories, until finally I am brought back to the one place I can't forget.

The treehouse. The golden sunset. The stars.

Oikawa.

His name rings throughout my mind, and I think of him. His cheeky grin, his warm hugs. His soft lips against mine. How he'd cried as I lay there, dying.

What have I done?

In an instant, my place of peace is shattered. The silence was filled with so many noises. The darkness was filled with light.

There's a beeping, like a heartbeat. I could feel myself breathing again. Out of the endless darkness, a light began to grow.

It's so noisy, so bright. But I don't care. I just want to see him, even if only one more time.

Suddenly, I feel my body yet again. The beeping, I recognise it now. It's one of those heart monitors.

I blinked my eyes awake, and the bright light began to take shape. It all looked like a blurry mess, but it was slowly coming together.

I could feel a warmth coming from my hand. Something, no, someone was holding my hand. It felt so nice, to have the feeling of someone close to me.

I squeezed the hand gently, longing for touch of their skin against mine.

Just then, a blurry figure leans over my face. I can just about make out their features: brown hair, dark eyes, pale skin. I knew this person.

"Y-Y/N?"

The familiar person's voice sounded sad and shaky, like they had been crying for hours.

Finally, my vision cleared, and my eyes were met with his. He bear an expression that I would never had expected to see him with.

I attempt to call out his name, but I can only manage a small whimper.

I begin to cry in frustration. I want to tell him I'm sorry, that it's not his fault.

His hand moves from mine to my face, and he wipes the tear running down my face.

"Shhh dont cry, it's okay. I promise everything will be okay. Just look at me."

And I do. It's all I want to do. I take in every last detail of him, just like I had when i used to draw him.

We stay like this for a while, as I slowly become more awake. But as my vision and sight came back to me, so did the pain in my arms.

It was so painfull, nearly unbearable. It felt like my arms had been completely cut to shreds.

I try to lift my head up to look around, but Oikawa stops me.

"Hey, dont try to move, you'll only hurt yourself more. And that's the last thing I want."

His voice is so full of pain, it's strange to hear him like this. I don't want him to be sad, I want him to go back to being the happy Oikawa that I knew. That's why i did this in the first place.

"I'm sorry." I whisper. It's all I can manage. I try to think of what I can say to make it better, but no words come to me.

"Listen to me. You don't have to be sorry, it's not your fault. I know you've been bearing so much pain for so long, but I swear, I will do whatever I can to make you happy. Death is not the answer."

His words surprise me. I never thought anyone would care about me that much. But at the same time, i know that caring about me only brings others pain.

"But, why? Why would you do that for me? I'm no one special, i dont deserve it."

Oikawa leaned down and gently kissed my head.

"You do deserve it. Because I love you."