Choose Me

Chapter 36

Dex leaves me to get ready for work and I just sit on my bed, trying to wrap my head around the fact that I love him. I love my best friend's younger brother.

I never saw that coming and did the one thing Elsie asked me not to do, and I can't exactly take it back. There's no delete button for love. And even if there was, I would never change how I feel about Dex, because this feeling, there's nothing else like it. I've been in love in the past many times but have never felt for a person what I feel for Dex. Yes, it may be wrong for so many reasons, but I can't control who my heart loves.

Dex burrowed his way into my heart without me realizing it and now he's seeded deep in there and isn't going anywhere and I don't want him to. I may not be able to love him openly like I want but I will learn to love him in silence. It's the only way I can ever love him because it's not in our cards to be together. Life has proven that to me over and over again and it's time I start listening and do something I've needed to do for a while.

As soon as I hear Dex leave our apartment, I call up Ken and ask him if he has time to meet me at a coffee shop near my place. He tells me he has band practice but that he can meet me there right after. I tell him that's more than fine and we agree to meet up after his practice and I'm actually relieved his practice has given me extra time before I see him. I'm gonna need it to work up the courage to do what I need to do.

I get ready to see Ken and just go through the motions as I shower and get dressed. I consider eating a bite to eat before heading out for the coffee shop but decide against it seeing as I feel nauseous. I don't want to push my poor stomach. If I do, I may end up throwing up right in the middle of the coffee shop and no one want's to see that so I skip eating anything and grab my stuff and head out for the coffee shop.

I make it there sooner than I would have liked. I honestly wouldn't have minded sitting in traffic for a bit, but nope, on the one day I would have liked to deal with a bit of traffic there was none.

I take a deep breath before stepping inside the coffee shop and am met with the delicious smell of freshly ground coffee. I look around the coffee shop and am relieved to see that Ken isn't here yet and turn back to the barista who is standing behind the register. She smiles at me as I approach her and wish I could smile back but I just can't muster the energy to do it. Not right now.

I order a ginger tea for myself, needing something to help settle the nausea in my stomach. The barista quickly makes it for me and I tip her before taking it with me to the table in the far back corner of the coffee shop and just sit there and wait for Ken to arrive. I pull out my phone to try and distract myself but it's useless. I can't focus. All I can think about is Ken. I don't want to hurt him. But I know I'm going to and it pains me to know that I'm going to hurt such an amazing guy. He deserves so much better than this. Than me.

I sit there in silence as I hear the clock near the door tick incessantly and look up and check the time, and realize that Ken is late. It's so unlike him. He's always early or right on time. I wonder what happened. Did he stand me up? No, he wouldn't.

I feel my anxiety spike the longer I sit there and finally an hour after the time we agreed upon to meet, Ken steps into the coffee shop. I notice him look around, no doubt in search of me, and finally when his eyes land on me, he smiles big but it quickly falls off his lips when he takes in my demeanor.

I stand up as he walks towards me and as soon as I'm within reaching distance, he pulls me in for a hug and apologizes for being late and begs me to forgive him. He thinks I'm upset because he was late but he could not be more wrong. I'm upset because of what I'm about to do. I hate this all so much but I have to do it as hard as it is.