Choose Me

Chapter 20

I wake up to the front door opening and breathe a sigh of relief when Elsie walks in the door but the moment I get one good look at her face, I feel like my heart stops. "Is everything okay?" I blurt out and regret it instantly. Things obviously aren't okay. It doesn't take a genius to figure that out but of course, I had to stick my foot in my mouth like I always do.

I sit up on the couch to make room for her and she plops down next to me.

"Elsie, what happened?" I ask her worriedly. A part of me is afraid to find out the answer but no matter what happened, I want to know. I want to be there for her in any way I can.

She lays head on my lap with a sigh and nuzzles her cheek into my thigh, but doesn't put me out of my misery and chooses to stay quiet. I want to respect that so much but I am struggling with her silence. She is scaring me.

"I messed up," she finally says after what feels like forever and I feel my heart twinge at her words. I don't need to know everything to know she's beating herself up over what happened. I don't know what it is but now I'm really scared to find out.

"Messed up how?" I ask her, brushing my fingers through her long dirty blond hair, trying to make her feel at ease and relax. I feel her shake in my lap and realize she's starting to cry. I rub her back in circles but don't say anything else to her as she cries on my lap.

"I wasn't there for him when he needed me," she says full of regret, but I have no idea who or what she's talking about.

"Who?" I ask her, feeling like I'm having to pull teeth.

"Dexter," she chokes out and my heart just plummets. What happened to him? Is he okay? Why is she crying? God, I hope he's okay. "He was hospitalized yesterday and it's all my fault," she says with a shake of her head like she can't believe it. I can't believe it either. What happened?

"Hospitalized?" I ask in disbelief. "I don't understand. What? What happened?" I ask, stumbling over my words, and make no effort to hide the fact that I'm worried. I know I'm supposed to keep up pretenses until Dex and I tell Elsie about us but when it comes to Dexter I can't pretend to not care. Not anymore. I care about him a lot and am scared shitless knowing he's in the hospital. I don't understand what happened. When he left me at his place he was perfectly fine. I don't understand what changed between then and when he came to see Elsie.

"I don't know. We were talking about visiting my parents. I figured it was time they saw him since he's been back and he just passed out on me right in the middle of our conversation. It came out of nowhere. That's not even the worst part. I had my back turned to him when he fainted. I was getting what I needed to make us a bite to eat and he just blacked out on me. One moment he was fine and then the next he was on the ground. To make matters worse, he hit his head when he fell and it's all my fault," she says breaking into tears. I rub her back to try to soothe her but she's inconsolable. "If I had just been paying attention, he wouldn't still be in the hospital. He probably could have walked out of there today, but he's not. He's staying overnight so they can keep an eye on him."

"Is he by himself?" I ask her, ready to go be at his side if necessary, and she shakes her head.

"No, Bianca is with him," she informs me and my stomach turns.

"Bianca?" I respond surprised. Why her of all people? I get that she's his girlfriend but they haven't been dating long. She has no reason to be there. I should be there and can't help but feel jealous that she's with him and I'm not.

"Yeah, I texted her as soon as we arrived in the hospital. I figured she would want to know. She's been at his side ever since she showed up at the hospital. She's the one who told me to come home and get some rest. I honestly was unsure about her when they first started dating. I trusted her as far as I could throw her, but now that I've seen her at his side, tending to him and making sure he's okay, I realize I was wrong about her. She's honestly a great girl. I just didn't give her a fair chance but now I will for sure," she says with a small smile, no doubt looking forward to seeing them be together. But what she doesn't know is that Dex is going to leave her for me. She's not going to like that. Not one bit. "Ouch," I hear her yelp and look down to see that I'm clenching a fistful of her hair. Oops.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to do that," I say with an embarrassed laugh, not believing I just did that to poor Elsie. I rub her head where I pulled her hair and thankfully she doesn't give me a hard time about it and ask me why I did that.

"I'm going to go back to the hospital after I've slept a bit and showered," she informs me, wiping away the remnants of her tears.

"Can I come with you?" I ask her hopefully but she shakes her head.

"Only two visitors are allowed. Sorry."

"It's okay. It's not your fault," I respond, feeling sad I can't be there for Dex. I should be there for him, not Bianca. As much as I wish I could show up there and lay my claim on him, I can't. He and I need to tell Elsie about us together first. It'll lessen the blow and I know that's what Dex would want anyway so I have no choice but to wait. I don't like this one bit but I know it's for the best.

"He should be out of the hospital tomorrow so you can always go see him at his place once he's feeling better," she tells me and her words make me feel a little hopeful. But what if he doesn't leave the hospital tomorrow and they decide to keep him longer? What then?

"Okay, I'll do that," I say with a small smile when all I want to do is curl up in a ball and cry. I just want to be with him when he needs me most and I can't even do that. How fucked up is that? That's life for you. Always getting between us. If it's not Elsie interceding, it's fate.

When will we be able to be together again?