Choose Me

Chapter 37

It's been a month since the whole argument slash fight over my job, and Dex and I are on much better terms ever since I spilled my heart to him, well most of it. I obviously haven't told him I love him, or that I broke up with Ken. For now, I'm keeping those two small things to myself because I don't want him to feel like I did it for him. Although, I kind of did. Not because I'm hoping he'll leave Bianca for me. I know he won't. I did it because it didn't feel right being with Ken when I knew I loved Dex.

I wish I could say I don't love him as much as I did and that I'm starting to finally move on, but nope. That's not the case at all. I'm more in love with him than I was a month ago and it's all his fault. He's making it hard not to fall for him more and more every single day. When he's not at work or hanging out with Bianca, he's here with me, watching my favorite dramas with me or playing video games with me. Acting like the boyfriend he isn't.

He also takes me out to eat on the nights neither of us feels like cooking, and as much as I try not to let it get to my damn heart, I can't help but feel like we're a couple on those rare nights we go out, just the two of us. It's hard not to feel that way when he's always so chivalrous and opens every single door for me, and puts his hand on my lower back as we walk together. I don't think he realizes he does it, but I notice it. Every single time. And I can't help but like the way his hand feels when it touches me. It may be innocent but it still feels nice and never fails to make my heart sore.

It all feels very coupley to me and makes me want what I can't have, but as much as I want him, I never overstep the line we blurred long ago and only let myself believe we're more than friends just for a little while we're out in public, but as soon as we get back home, I remind myself he's not mine. And he can never be mine because he doesn't want me, not like I want him. It's a hard truth but one I'm forcing myself to accept. I know it's going to take me time but for now, I'm just enjoying Dex's friendship and spending as much time with him as I can.

I've actually lowered the number of clients I take on since he discovered what I do just so I can spend more time with him when he gets home. I can tell he's still not fully on board with what I do for a living, but I also can see that he's making an honest effort to be more understanding. Especially now that he knows about my parent's situation. But I can tell it bothers him every time I pull out my phone to message strangers on my client's behalf. I think it makes him jealous, not that he'd ever admit it, but he doesn't have to voice it for me to know that he doesn't like the idea of me talking and flirting with a bunch of strangers online. But I do what I have to in order to give my clients the best chance at love, and I'm not planning on stopping anytime soon.

Today I spent all morning talking to strangers, but after being at it for hours, I am starting to feel a bit burned out, and take a much-needed break from my work. I head for the kitchen to grab myself a snack, and rummage through the cabinets to find something, and when my eyes land on Dex's box of pumpkin pie Pop-tarts I steal one of the foil packages and stick my Pop-tarts in the toaster wanting to eat them warm.

I never took Dex for being a pumpkin anything guy but am rather glad he's a big fan of the Pumpkin Pie Pop-Tarts because it means I get to eat them throughout the Fall.

While I wait for my Pop-tarts to warm up, I sit at the breakfast bar and jump on Twitter to see what some of my favorite romance authors are up to. I see that one of my favorite erotica authors posted and tap on her profile to see what I've missed out on since I last logged onto Twitter and when I start to scroll through her feed, I see that she's shared some very steamy images of hot men and couples, which she's no doubt using as inspo for her stories and cannot wait to see what she comes up with using those images.

I tap on an image she shared of a man with a towel wrapped around his waist and when it gets bigger on my screen, I see the outline of the man's dick under the towel and can't help but think of Dex and all the times he's gotten out of the shower dripping wet with only a towel around his waist. He may not give me a second glance when he does it but I know he does it on purpose, and I wish he wouldn't because every time I see him in nothing but a towel, I can't help but think of what's underneath that towel and all the dirty, delicious things his dick has done to me.