The stars were really shining brightly tonight. I wished it was like him. But as I looked at Paul, his eyes were like the dark skies, hiding different emotions. He sat on his bed, holding a picture like he always did. I haven’t seen the picture, though.
Looking at Paul was really all I can do. My life’s literally revolving around him. He’s my top priority after all. Every day, as I’ve told, the only thing I can do’s to watch him, so he would avoid danger.
I just sat here on a chair that’s beside his bed. It’s been seven months since I started doing this. Every day and night, I would just follow him. It’s kind of sad, though, because he’s alone. At day, he would go to work. And at night, he would spend his time looking at the picture and just stay here in his apartment.
At first, everything’s quite confusing for me–who he really is, why does it have to be him, and all other things that don’t really make sense. But my Father, Jesus, only said, “Not all answers have to be given. You must find them.”
Still, there’s a nerve of confusion inside me. Although, I wanted to find those answers. And I will.
But come to think of it, we can talk to each other. He can hear and feel wherever I was, but he couldn’t see me.
I remembered the first time he heard me. I didn’t know that time he could actually do.
Paul was playing his electric keyboard here at the living room. I could see the passion on his eyes, burning as if the keys of the keyboard were a part of him. He was playing with his soul.
He closed his eyes and the lyrics of the song carelessly escaped his mouth, “And who do you think you are? Running ‘round, leaving scars. Collecting your jar of hearts, tearing love apart.”
He just continued playing. I closed my eyes, feeling the melody of his voice. It felt so warm. At the age of twenty-two, he’s in a band; being a band vocalist’s his work.
“Don’t come back for me,” I sang.
Suddenly, he stopped playing. I swiftly opened my eyes and saw he was looking around as if finding the source of the voice.
“Elle? Are you there?” Paul called as he fixed himself to sleep.
I snapped back to reality, smiling. I thought I will just be an invisible voice for him. Turned out, I could actually make him feel he’s not alone.
“Yes, go on, sleep,” I answered.
“When can I actually see you?” he asked, closing his eyes.
My heart suddenly felt warm. It was like there was something inside me that felt so overwhelming. I’ve always thought I loved him. I mean, those seven months were really something, but it’s forbidden. It’s funny, though, because the first time I saw Paul, I felt like I was really attached to him. I felt he’s really a part of me.
“I don’t know,” I answered, trying to cover up the sadness in my voice. “Someday, I suppose.”
He sighed. I looked at him as his eyes opened. I saw there was sadness playing on his eyes. I feel the same, I wanted to tell him, but I know our limits. I was just an angel whose job’s to guard him. We can never be together. Maybe in another lifetime, but definitely not this time.
“Good night, Elle,” he said, turning his back on me.
“Good night too, Paul,” I whispered loud enough for him to hear. That’s my cue to leave.
I opened his window and stood up there. I spread my wings and flew to the unknown, to the place I call my home–heaven.
