Started with a Whisper

Whisper - 14

Levi is like a ghost of my imagination - gone before I wake up, and leaving no trace he had even been here. The usual sound of popping eggs and sizzling bacon float upstairs followed by mom's familiar outburst of laughter. I rub my eyes and sit up, squinting outside against the dazing sparkle of snow littering the ground. With a sigh, I shift out from underneath the warmth of the fuzzy down comforter and sink one foot after the other onto the floor. 

I slept poorly until early this morning, and then I was out like a rock. I know my tumultuous feelings and the extreme level of anxiety are the reasons I'm on edge. I keep feeling like the more Levi distances himself from me, the closer I am to losing the one person that means something. As I pad quietly downstairs dad greets me cheerfully, "Good morning sunshine!" He's shuffling through the paper, probably looking for today's Sudoku puzzle. He loves Sudoku. 

Mom already has a placement for me at the table complete with a glass of orange juice, no pulp, just the way I like it. "Levi left a little bit ago, he had some breakfast. He said he heard you go to bed late, so he didn't want to bother you this morning," she gives me a once-over accompanied by a worried glance. "Are you feeling alright?" 

I nod robotically and pull the chair to the left of my dad out, it scoots across the floor loudly. "I'm great, just a little hungry." I'm miles away in my own head as I subconsciously clear my plate. I'm thrown off-guard when the fork scrapes against the ceramic. 

"Do you want more?" Mom hovers at my shoulder anxiously. I shake my head, and stand up abruptly. 

"I think I'm going to go for a walk," I say stiffly. She says nothing, pursing her lips to keep herself from prying, and clears my dishes from the table. My dad just watches me suspiciously, but he too, says nothing. I know they'll whisper when I retreat to my room.

I close the door and go over to my dresser, barely glancing up at the picture of Landie and I. To be honest, I don't even know why it's still there. We haven't spoken in months. She tried waving to me a few days ago, but I broke eye contact and acted oblivious to the behavior. She too, turned cold when she was back within Chelsea's presence. I used to think we were unbreakable, I guess I was wrong. 

It's amazing how easily the people we love slip through our fingers. This thought only weighs even more heavily on me - it doesn't make the feeling of losing Levi any more implausible. I wish I could understand his mind, see what he was thinking for a moment to fix this. I bundle up enough for a tundra, wrapping a scarf until it is layered thoroughly around my neck. 

I don't say goodbye when I slip out of the door. 

At first the cold air feels sharp in my lungs. Wind blows in my face until my eyes water and snow crunches under my feet with each step. I'm not particularly a fan of snow, much preferring the flatness of a  beach to the sloping snowy terrain in Bridgeview during the winter months. It has a certain beauty to it when I'm sitting inside snuggled up to a fire, but outside - not so much. 

I walk fast and aimlessly around town before I find myself leaning into a rail of Tulle Bridge looking down at the river masked with a thick layer of ice. A fair enough distance away someone carves a hole into the surface and readies a long fishing pole. It's quiet and peaceful here. I close my eyes and tilt my head upwards towards the sun letting the light wash over the small sliver of skin I dared to leave bare.

"Darcy? Hey! Darcy!" I'm startled from my peace and my head snaps to the left. A figure bundled up in thick snow gear is waving wildly and walking swiftly in my direction. When he draws closer I recognize the bright smile and scrunched eyes. "A little cold to be standing on the bridge isn't it?" Dillon teases bumping shoulders.

I grin half-heartedly, "I can't say I'm a fan of the temperature, but it just felt like a beautiful day for a walk. What brings you out here?" 

He shrugs and jerks his thumb over his shoulder, "Some of the guys from the team are sled-riding, it's a blast if you want to join." He sounds hopeful. The team he's referring to is the Bridgeview Bulls, our football team. Part of me anxiously wonders if Levi is there. It's been a while since Dillon and I have spoken, only bumping paths every so often after our run in at the hospital.