Once Upon A Time

7. Complex Equation

I could not grieve,

I could not sorrow,

I just stood above his grave,

Thought about the past recollections we had shared,

It was only brief.

Tears would not allow themselves to fall,

Eyes blank as a white canvas,

Heart cold as the North Pole,

His absence didn't even aggrieve.

I willed myself to cry,

To reveal the pain within me,

But numbness had taken its control,

My emotionsㅡI wished I could retrieve.

I can only see,

His lifeless body lying on the hospital bed,

His pale face white as snow,

I can only hear,

The heart monitor's dreadful flatline tone,

The disgruntled cries of his heartbroken wife.

Before I could react,

The murmurs and whimpers filled my head,

I was surrounded by people,

Whom I don't even recognize,

All dressed in black,

Their eyes glazed with tears and pain,

Trying to comfort one another with tight smiles and beautifully twisted lies.

And I compelled myself not to show,

The anger,

The hatred,

I am resisting the urge to attack.

This was all an act,

Nobody knew him,

They were forced to come,

For reputation.

I was taken aback,

To find out,

This was all over the newspaper,

And they were overjoyed.

Their mindsㅡI desire to tack.

Rage consumed my whole being,

Disgust slithered into my heart,

It sickens me,

In realityㅡI am related to them,

I would have this urge to hide behind a sack.

We might share the same blood,

We might visit each other from time to time,

But we are no family,

Not before nor after he died,

We are strangers,

In a tight space,

Talking robotically to fill in the thick tension,

The awkwardness continues to stack.

They crave for attention,

For sympathy,

They seek for the pity stares,

For the idiotic soothing words,

All of these useless thingsㅡthey like to attract.

I'm still stuck with these people,

These foreign individuals,

In this bizzare, complex equation,

I don't know who they are,

I don't know why we are related,

MyselfㅡI wish I could subtract.

I will not cry over someone whom I've never truly known,

But I will cherish the precious, few memories I had of him,

because he was among the few I wanted back.

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I wrote this to express how I feel about the loss of my great uncle a few days ago, so it's really personal. Rest in peace uncle, God bless your soul ❤❤