Tuesday rolls around and your just in your room silently, just doing homework. You hear the girls leave so you decided to get out of bed and shower, you looked at yourself and just started crying. All you could think was "it's all my fault i just ruin everything he was right", all of a sudden you freeze because you hear a knock at the door. You don't feel like answering it but you dot it because it can't be somebody you know because they are all at school. You open the door and see coach with your favorite game and some candy, you invite her in because you know she's not going away. You sit on the couch with her and just look at the ground, she sits down and rubs the side of your arm. You think "i miss my mom so much and with her not here coach is the closest thing i have that", the tears just flow and your head falls into her lap. She just brushes your hair back with her fingers while humming her favorite song while you let it all out.
After about an hour she sits you up and says "so tell me y/n what has you in a funk, and don't play me y/n" you smile and tell her about the past. She had no idea about it until now and you also tell her everything that happened recently. She can't even say anything she just has this expression on her face, i couldn't tell if it was pity or was she hurt because i was hurt. She gets up without a word and tells you to get ready and put on something sporty, you just do it because at this point you have nothing to lose. You finish getting ready and you guys walk to school, you stop at the gate and ask why are you here. She takes your hand and takes you into the gym, you haven't been in a while and boy did you miss it. You look at her and just smiled, it was weak but it was there... she told me about a coping mechanism i could try when she wasn't there or when you just wanted to alone. She said since your an ace you get in position for it and when you smack the ball think about that thing and let your anger out when your hand touches the ball.
You kinda liked the idea so you took off your jacket and started thinking, it was lunch time so everyone was walking around campus. You started thinking and hitting while the coach just kept guiding you through it until you stopped, she walked up to you and shook her head. You just cried in her arms, and for a second you felt her head lift up indicating somebody was at the door. Your didn't care you were too tired to keep hiding your emotions, this is where i get to be vulnerable. The people who were at the door got shooed away, and after a few minuets you got back up and went again. When you checked the time it was about 2:30 it was after school, you were tired from the thinking, playing and crying. So you thanked the coach and walked home, when you got home you too a shower and made dinner for the girls and went to your room. You sat there thinking about the coping mechanism she taught you, until you fell asleep.
You woke up to a phone call from your parents it was 3am but you remember that there is a time difference, you answer the phone and they ask how you are. You stay silent and eventually say " so i guess coach called you" they sigh and say that they really wish they could be there but right now just wasn't a good time. You say that every time it's getting old, i'm sorry to cut this short mom and dad but i'm tired. Goodnight love you, and you hang up. You sob because how are you supposed to feel when even your own parents don't make time for you and they have to get a call just for them to care. Your so frustrated that you go to the kitchen, you can't sleep so you start cooking all the comfort food you and your dad used to cook before he left. It was 5 am and you had just finished up, you cleaned and heard the girls get up. They got ready and you gave them their food and walked back up the stairs with bloodshot eyes. You cried so much while cooking you didn't realize how tired or how dizzy you were. You walked in your room and collapsed and all you saw was black.
You woke up on the couch and you felt your head in somebody's lap, you realized it was coach and just laid there. She started telling you what happened and turns out from you not eating and all the crying you were physically exhausted. You passed out the second you got to your room, Sakura and Niko took you to the couch and Sakura called me. And here i am she says i'm always here i promise she continues, you cry and just start telling her what happened last night. She sits you up and you just cry eating the ice cream she bought you, you guys watched a movie and decided to do the same thing you did yesterday. You got dressed and you guys walked and made it to the gym, you just got straight to playing except instead of spikes you did serves. You didn't break down crying in her arms but you did break down, she told you about the progress you were making but it wouldn't work forever.
She said i could stay for practice so i did i stood right next to her and watched the girls play their hearts out. You ended up having to go the bathroom, but to get there you had to walk through the boys court. You walked through with your head down and didn't say a word, the coach said hello and you just waved. You made it to the bathroom where you fixed your hair and dried your tears, you looked at yourself and realized how pale and skinny you were. You were even more disgusted because you looked sick, you shook off that bad feeling and walked out. You see ushijima waiting for you sititng on the ground, you sit next to him and lay your head on his shoulder. He says "y/n we haven't been together for long but i care about you so much and seeing you in pain is killing me". You look at him and start to tear up.. you felt awful because you were causing him pain and you didn't even realize it. You whisper crying "so is this it... are we done"?
He looked down and stayed silent, you began to cry and got up... he quickly dragged you down. You look at him because he just broke up with you right ? He looks at you and says "i wasn't finished... but as i was saying you mean too much to me for me to sit here and do nothing". He takes a deep breath when he says "y/n i love you, you don't have to say it back yet but i do and i want us to be forever". You start sobbing and all you can do is hug him, he kisses your forehead and your just crying in his arms. You guys sat there for hours just talking until coach decided to lock up the gym, you hugged ushijima and walked away. Coach was waiting for you at the gate when you turned around and says "hey bub..." he looks at and tilts his head indicating he's listening. You take a deep breath smile and say "i love you too", the coach wraps her arms around around your shoulder and you guys walk home.
~time skip (thursday morning)~
You woke up dreading today because you had to go back to school, you had to take that first step and get back to normal life. It's been an interesting 3 days... you decide get up early and straighten your hair but you realize you hate the length of your hair. It's time for a change so you start cutting, after about 15 minutes you have it in a cute shoulder length style. You wear a pink shirt with a little purple dinosaur on it, you pair it with a jean shirt and some air forces. You throw on some makeup and perfume, deep down you know it's all an act. But the only people who weren't blind to it were bub and coach, you walk down the stairs and grab and apple. You say good morning to the girls and when they see you their jaws dropped. Niko ran over to you touching your hair and Sakura started tearing up, you looked at Sakura and gave her a hug and said "i'm trying and right now that's all that matters".
Deep down you were trying... not hard enough but you did the best you could. Hiding your feelings all day and sobbing at night is really tough, it drains you but what else can i do. I'm a strong person i don't need people to pity me, i just need the pain to stop. You and the girls talked a little bit before you started walking to school, on the way you guys just walked in silence admiring the sunrise. You made it there and saw the boys waiting for you guys, Niko ran up to Tendou and he picked her up and they just started kissing. Me and Sakura laughed at them they are just too cute, you walk up to ushijima and his eyes are wide. You walk up to him and give him a kiss on the cheek, he smiled and said "love you hair babe it's really cute on you, and don't get me started on that outfit i could just-" you cut him off by saying "you just can't keep it in your pants can you bub". You both start laughing and he hugs you and you guys are just in that position. Safe in each other's arms.
~ushijimas pov~
I was talking to Shirabu and Tendou when I see y/n, Niko and Sakura approaching us, she looked drop dead gorgeous. She always did but damn and her hair it's so cute i love it, she comes up to me and gives me a kiss on the cheek. it was very gentle rather then her excited kisses but i didn't mind, i loved her regardless. I start messing with her with some classic ushijima humor, mostly sex jokes but sometimes other stuff. After i made a joke she cut me off and got mad, we both just couldn't contain it a burst out laughing. She came in for a hug and i got used to hugging her like this, for the first time in my life i can say i'm safe with the person i love.
~to be continued~
