today was monday and i wasn't in the mood to go to school, or practice or anything. Today i just wasn't feeling like myself, last night was great so why am I so down? I laid in bed for a while since i had time because i got up at 3, i laid there until 4 just thinking about nothing. There was nothing to think about i was just really sad, i wasn't sad about ushijima or my friends or even my weight. I grabbed on to my necklace and that made me feel just felt worse, i haven't stopped to think about them in a while. I hurried and got ready and left while ushijima was still asleep, i walked to my old house. It held so many old memories from now and when i was a kid, i missed my parents a little too much today. My phone was down in my bag so i didn't hear it even ringing, i was just standing outside of that house for a while.
Just gone in a matter of seconds, if i wasn't so stubborn, i dried my tears but my mascara was dripping. I realized that i couldn't handle today i was a mix emotions, i went to class before everyone else and grabbed all of my work for today. I sat in the library all day, i did my work a bit and got really dizzy. I forgot to eat so i walked holding the wall to the vending machine, i got a granola bar.... It was the one my dad got, all there was was silent all of my tears and sobbing just silently. My eyes started to close and my body got really weak, it felt like i was kind of dying. I opened my eyes and i was sitting in the nurses office and my head was on Tendous shoulder. I said "Tendou why are you here i mean don't get me wrong i'm happy to see you just a bit confused". He said "i found you passed out by the vending machines, i grabbed you and took you to the nurses office.
I thanked him and sighed i sat up and saw the vitamin water next to me, i started chugging it because i couldn't eat anymore. I told him that i forgot to eat and that i would be fine, the nurse let me go and i went back to library. I grabbed my stuff because it was the end of the day, i went straight to the gym without meeting up with anyone. I was just kind of in my own head, thinking about my parents. Sometimes i wish they were here but you know you can't turn back time, i changed and walked into the gym and started stretching. I was practicing spiking when everyone was coming in, i didn't focus on them just on the spikes. I had to make sure they were precise and if not i'd press myself for three more, i was gonna hit this last spike and that's when i felt it.
Damn my shoulder had this dumb sharp pain in it but i wasn't gonna say anything i had to play. I went in my bag and put on my brace, i was wearing a regular shirt so no one could see it. Practice went on and i was just kinda doing practice games with them, but my spikes were off, i called a water break and pulled mikasa outside. I told her and she said "y/n i swear to god i love you to the moon and back but if you fuck up your shoulder now. i swear to god i'm telling coach so take it easy because it needs to heal your over working it." She was right and i knew it but i didn't want an injury to ruin my third year, i thanked her and i sat on the bench next to coach. I told her what happened and when she looked it was all bruised and gross.
I literally was so mad like nothing could just go right today, i wasn't gonna cry over it or anything today just had to be over. Practice ended and i went to the urgent care and they gave me a better brace and some meds to speed up the healing process but i was out for two weeks. Apparently the girl pushed my shoulder out of place and since i kept playing and didn't take a break it got worse. I knew something was off and i was pissed my third year couldn't be any worse. I walked come and when i came in ushijima was in the bed on his phone, i went straight to the shower without a word. I got out and just wore a bra and some shorts, i threw on my brace and got into bed. He looked at me as if he was waiting on me to talk.
I told him everything that happened today, i just laid on his lap and just told him everything. I always had people i could go to but sometimes i didn't wanna be a burden. I didn't know what to feel anymore, my parents were gone it's my last year before college. My shoulder on the other hand made me even more sad and ushijima said "coach the girls like your life depend on it and so small excersises to get some motion in it. and put Niko and Mikasa as a duo in case you ever have to go out because they are runner ours for the strongest." I agreed and that night i spent time just working on new formats and plays for friday's game. The week went on and i spent lots of time on my studies and the game, coaching them without playing wasnt so much stress. I kinda loved it but i also miss the court and the ball in my hands.
Friday's game was against Karasuno so i was a bit worried ushijima would get a bit on edge, but i was not having it. Because it was worse for me because his ex went there too, that bitch liza. This trip was nothing but disaster i had a feeling, that bitch pissed me off too she knew what she was doing at that party. I talked to ushijima about it and he was a bit on edge too because two exes all day, and we hated our exes. Well we hated them around us they didn't nothing but make one of us mad at each other. The week went by pretty fast and soon it was friday, the girls adjusted to the new format without me. They were getting way better at adaption and i was proud of them but anyway we loaded the bus and headed to karasuno. We got there and it was the same as last time, all of a sudden i hear somebody scream "Y/N-SANNNNN".
It was the one and only shoyo hinata, he was always happy to see me for some reason but he was like that for everyone. I greeted him and told Mikasa to start warm ups, me and hinata just talked about spiking a lot. He was excited to show me some of his new skills that he had worked on, the girls game was first so i went in after a few mins. I took off my joggers to reveal my spandex i heard some whispers from behind me and it was a group of second years that i didn't know. I said "yeah my eyes are up here perverts", they realized i caught them and they ran like wolves. The girls game started and the first years were doing good, Yoshi was showing out and i was proud of her. After her emancipation she was doing really well, sometimes i would invite her over for dinner with me and ushijima.
We loved her like she was our own, we even talked about boys in front of ushijima. He honestly didn't care that much he was a very good listener when it came to her. He loved her just as much as i did, i also invited azumi over for movie night a couple of times just to see how she was doing. Sometimes she cried and sometimes she laughed and other times we just sat there. Mikasa never really came over but we went on coffee dates on our off mornings and worked on team stuff. And as for Tori, Cho and Kumi well they are just them, i haven't built a personal connection with them. That was my goal next week was to work with them a bit and see what's going on. I feel like as a captain is to make sure my team is good physically and mentally and emotionally. Everyone had their sad moments and i just want them to be honest with me.
Anyway the game was going pretty good we lost first set but it was fine. The first years were a upset at the outcome but i told them "you did your best and just work that much harder and practice". I said it every time because it was the truth, they had to put in all of their effort. Let every loss be your motivation to keep going and win the next one. That's how i trained my girls becsuse giving up was never an option, you joined this team for a reason don't let yourself be the reason you quit. Because if you have th ball it's in your hands and on you, so don't beat yourself up. anyway it was time for second set when i looked up and saw somebody in the stands, at first she was so similar but i couldn't put the pieces together. When i put them together my heart dropped becsuse i followed her eyes and they were right on him.
~to be continued~
