The Untold Truth ∘ Marvel [2]

Chapter 14: My Life= Secrets and Lies

The violin music is what Sienna's listens to as she thinks. Her mind goes up and down with it, and personally I'm a violin person.....if only I could play...well here it is

Now back on the Bus, all 'safe', I laid on my bed, the door shut as I closed my eyes, thoughts running through my head like a marathoner.

Coulson was getting patched up, Ward was 'interviewing' Zerina, and Skye had passed out on the couch. I was wide awake, just cooling down and processing what had happened, what I had done.

I'd put my phone on violin music, my other therapy. It helped me think after a long day, wind my nerves down. I breathed in and out, focusing on letting all my adrenaline go. Let everything go......

Summers. What I did was cruel, leaving him there to die, alone in his own blood after my little speech. But he was a horrible person, that I was certain of. But did my actions only prove that I was horrible as well?

The answer was yes. I could have just put a bullet in his brain. Not let him suffer, just let him go quickly, like I did Helm. But the fact was, I didn't.

That's what my problem was. I could move on with my life, start creating someone else, who was good and just. But I kept falling short. I stayed cruel and impulsive, I stayed the person I had been since age nine, when I made my first kill.

Because that's who I was, who I am.

I opened my eyes, biting my lip.

That's who I am

Because you can't change who someone has been for years. I used to be just focused on self preservation, but there was a point where I went from survivor to predator, and I've been like that ever since. You can't switch out clothes and find a new identity. I've done that plenty of times, but it was all an act, either to apprehend information or cross someone off a list.

I could quit SHIELD, settle down.

The thought was so ridiculous. I was hardwired to be and do what I do. I would go crazy after an hour of being a civilian.

Who was Sienna without SHIELD?

That was an answer I didn't know, and was afraid to find out. I had been in this organization for thirteen straight years. My entire existence was being a spy, an assassin. My life was secrets and lies, assignments and targets, espionage. It was a sad concept to conceive.

But here I was, going against direct orders and finding my dead friend. My mind had thought about killing Fury for not telling me, but I decided it was a bad idea all and all. But the fact the Coulson didn't say 'Hey, I'm alive!' ticked me off.

I wanted to punch a wall, but also to go hug Phil in happiness. I hated when I couldn't make up my mind, but here I was, just floating back and forth. I was in a tide, no anchor.

Why had he just left the Avengers, me, without a good bye, or even telling us what happened? I still didn't even know how he was alive. Id been on this stupid plane for days and still didn't have an answer! Why! It was driving me nuts.

I sat up, crossing my legs, breathing in and out, letting my mind calm down and just dump everything. But my thoughts didn't work like that.

How was there even a possibility he was alive? He had died! I went to his funeral, touched the casket I assumed his body laid in, and said a speech with absolutely no lie in it. show long since I had not done that up to that point?

I cried for him, I sobbed like a child in front off the enemy because his death was the last string I was holding onto; after finding out aliens existed, that Clint was gone, that the Tesseract was stolen. Now a friend had been killed, or so I thought. That was the last straw, and I broke down.