Forget Me Not

XV

"I... I need to go." I said to no one in particular, and staggered to my feet, my head still thumping viciously. I was lost in my thoughts, in the pain of having lost Gil for the second time. I hadn't realized I had managed to almost go down the whole hallway, until Erik came running up to me.

"Hey," he touched my arm gingerly, asking me to stop. The reflection of the fire from the sconces on the wall made his eyes look like pure liquid gold, and I couldn't take my eyes off him. He raised a hand to my cheek, but then quickly brushed a strand of my hair aside instead. "Talk to me..."

"I-I can't," I stammered, my eyes filling up with tears. I brushed them away frantically, not wanting him to see this weak side of me.

"Yes, you can," Erik soothed, pulling me against him. He allowed me to burrow my tear stained face into his chest.

"You wouldn't understand... You couldn't." I cried, wanting so badly to let him know. But how would he look at me afterwards? Would he believe me?

"I know, Alyce." Erik said into my hair, and his grip tightened on me. "I know where you're from. Who you are. I have known it all along, you don't have to hide the truth from me anymore."

I tensed in shock and fear. He knew. My throat seemed to close up, and I was unable to utter a word.

"I lied to everyone about not getting any information from that man that tried to kill you when you first arrived. He recognized you as one of King Torryn's assassins because he is one too. He told me you were a killer and a traitor."

"Erik, I—" I began to explain myself, but what could I say?

"And Katrine came to me privately after... the incident. She told me that the assassin had questioned Flyn about you. She had heard rumors about you being alive from other insiders that thought they had caught glimpses of you, but Flyn wouldn't give you up and denied everything. And neither did Katrine, as she didn't tell anyone about the situation but me." Erik explained, and he surprised me by reaching his hand out to hold mine. "I lied to the group so I could keep you protected, Alyce. They would care about you no matter what, but the fewer who know everything, the safer you, and everyone else, are."

"Erik..." I wanted to protest. My heart swelled in my chest at his words, but almost immediately afterwards it felt as if it were being stabbed by the sharpest of daggers. I knew what had to happen.

"I have to leave. I'm a danger to all of you." I pushed away from him, and it felt like someone was tearing off one of my limbs. "I'm going to get you killed."

"No, you won't." He gripped one of my hands tight, to stop me from turning away from him completely. He squeezed my hand in support and reassurance. "We'll be okay."

"Why don't you tell Flyn that!" I yelled. The look of hurt on his face, and the way the words seemed to hit him in the face like a brick, made me wish I could take them back. But I needed him to realize. To make what I was about to do easier for him. "I... I got him killed, Erik. I killed him."

"Just wait a little while longer. We will figure this out, I promise. Together." He put emphasis on the word "together", his hands cupped around mine tightly as it was suspended between us. He was begging me to stay, holding on to any shred of hope.

This boy was standing here in front of me even now, showing he cared, after knowing who I was and what I had done. He knew who the true me was and he stood up for it every time he had the chance. He wasn't afraid of my touch, or worried, or scared of me. He was willing, without a second thought, to risk his friendships, his own life, to keep me safe. To carry the burden of my secrets. And more than all of that, he believed in me.

I locked eyes with him, and everything else seemed to fall away in that moment. He drew his arm back, bringing me closer and I didn't resist it, and let him pull me against his muscled chest, which bore no armor. All he had was a short sword strapped to his side.

I tilted my head back slightly to gaze up at him, at the boy who seemed to be made of gold.  He smelled of the ocean, salty and fresh, and I breathed him in happily, as he slid a hand to my lower back, bringing me even closer. He stared down with a look that made me feel as if I were the greatest thing he had ever laid eyes on.

My head already spinning, and my hands shaking slightly, I leaned up and met his soft lips with mine. He responded with long, tender kisses, and I clung to him desperately. My hands in his hair, I kissed him back with a passion and intensity I hadn't known was so strong.

"I love you," I whispered, when we had the will to break apart. I had my forehead to his, my hand resting lightly against his cheek. I wanted to savor this moment for as long as I possibly could.

In the following seconds after I pulled away then, I saw the unconditional love, the pure happiness, in every inch and curve of his face, and my heart melted. And then I saw the hope. And then the sudden, brutal realization.

Before he could act, I dashed forward and quickly drew the short sword he had at his side from its scabbard. I held it out in front of me as I walked around him, so I could continue down the hall.

Erik, please don't make this harder than it already is. Let me go.

"Don't. Please," Erik begged fearfully. He reached for me, to stop me, and I slashed out at him, creating a long gash on his arm. He clutched at it with his other hand, trying to staunch the bleeding. His dejected and frightened face made my heart break in two. "They'll kill you!"

"I'm so sorry... Why couldn't you just let me go?" I whispered, tears spilling down my cheeks yet again as I backed down the hall. I didn't want to have to hurt him, but it would be so much worse if I stayed. Not just for him, but for everyone. I couldn't bare it if he was killed because of me. "But I have to do this."

I managed to force myself to turn away and retreat down the hall at full speed, before I talked myself into turning around, and running back to his arms where it felt safe and warm. Back to the new, wonderful family I had made. Knowing what the future had in store for me, I regretted not having a chance to say goodbye to them the most. I just had to hope they knew, and didn't hate me.

Alyce!" He cried. And it was more than just his voice that was breaking.