Affinity

Chapter Fourteen

The next morning you awoke to an empty room. The space beside you was cold and not a peep could be heard throughout Kylo's quarters. You stretched in the bed, your muscles were tight from the evening before. You replayed not only the sex you and Kylo had but also the soft version of the man you had come to know. Do I know Kylo? I don't really know anything about him other than he is possessive, driven, and sometimes cruel. But sometimes, sometimes, there are fleeting glimpses of the man he is beneath the cold exterior he shows the world.

You are still wrapped in Kylo's sweater, and your clothes are nowhere to be seen. Sitting up in his bed, you wonder what Kylo wants you to do, stay or go. You ponder the thought for a moment but make up your mind rather quickly. If he wanted you to stay, he would have either said it or made it known.

Not wanting to linger any longer where you weren't wanted, you pulled yourself from his bed and made your way to the bedroom door. You padded down the hall, you passed by several doors. Your mind to spiral into thoughts of what was behind each of them.

You stopped at one, unassuming but something about it made the hair stand up on the back of your neck. You slowly reached your hand up to the knob, resting on the handle, contemplating opening the door. Before you could, a little voice in the back of your head warned you not to test your luck. Your hand dropped from the handle, but your eyes didn't leave the black door.

Finally, you forced your eyes away and continued down the hall until it spilled out into the living area. You looked around briefly to see if Kylo was somewhere in the room, but you were alone. Sighing lightly to yourself, slightly defeated, you walked towards the main hatch and used the Force to open it.

Not looking back, you walked through the threshold and padded your way down the hall to your room. A part of you warmed at the thought of you being so close to Kylo from the very beginning. He never let you wander too far.

Ushar was guarding your door, sans one mask, and you saw the surprised look cross over his face before it was quickly masked in indifference.

"Good morning, Y/N," he said quickly.

"Good morning, Ushar," you gave him a quick smile before entering your room and letting the quietness surround you.

Things with Kylo were confusing, to say the least. That's the understatement of the century. The roughness he showed you yesterday, followed by the sweetness, made your head hurt. You loved both sides of him, but you had to admit, the softness was unexpected, and it made your heartache for him. What caused him to turn to the darkness? Why did he let it consume him?

A part of you knew the answer to your own question. You had felt the power, the draw of the Dark Side yourself, and had welcomed it so quickly. The Dark Side made you feel untouchable like you could do anything, and all you wanted was to feel it again. It brought out the very worst side of you, but you were somehow able to balance it up until this point. Kylo, you realized, has not found that balance. You weren't sure if you could sustain the balance. Every day the Dark Side pulled you in deeper without you even realizing it. Your thoughts no longer lingered on the people you killed. You felt nothing. It's war. It was either them or us, and it sure as hell wasn't going to be us. Your own thoughts scared you at times, but you pushed that feeling down.

Your feet carried you into your bedroom as you were lost deep in thought. You looked around your room, and your heart clenched, now that you had been in Kylo's space, even if just for a night, you felt more alone than ever. Walking over to the bed, you flung yourself onto the center and stared at the ceiling. You weren't sure what you were supposed to do for the day, but you weren't going to stay cooped up in your room.