The Diaries of Kenny McCormick

Surprise, Surprise

I'm not writing any crap at the top. Whole point in having one of these fucking things is to secretly write your feelings and shit. A lot of dumb hoes don't get that. Well, you're only a dumb ass when you write dear diary at the top.

I don't know how I found time to write this crap today. I spent about three hours comforting Karen. After an hour she told me she was fine but when her guardian angel came an hour after she said she was fine I found her crying her damn eyes out. She always treated Mysterion a lot better than her big brother. Always expressed herself more... I guess I can't blame her I mean you don't see me crying to Kevin whenever the guys forget I die...

She's my sister for Christ's sake she tells a stranger but not her brother! Bull... Whatever, let's talk about school then you know before the hell I call home happened. 

The guys were talking about normal shit, I was phasing in and out of the conversation. "Suck my balls Jew boy!" I smiled at my chance to jump in.

"Yeah, cuz no girl's ever gonna do it." I snickered. Cartman turned his anger towards me.

"Shut your mouth KENNY!" He yelled.  I started bursting into laughter. 

"If you really want a blow that bad why don't you just shove it right in there I mean I never shut up!" I said in between laughter. Before he could continue Kyle butted in.

"Don't belittle my people fat ass!" He yelled. I continued to mock them going back to my lunch. It didn't even have condiments just some baloney, literally. I quickly shoved it aside drinking some water. Water it filled my stomach when I was too depressed to actually eat something. The guys continued their usual stick.  

When we entered class I sat next to Stan he was a little more tolerable than Cartman. I looked back to the girls behind me, sure they looked pretty fine, but they weren't totally over the top. I convinced myself that I wanted a girl who was just in it for the fun. If I actually got attached to a girl I knew I'd get depressed when I told her I couldn't die and she'd laugh. Besides the girls here were pretty annoying. Wendy Testaburger: brunette, smart ass, and taken by Stan, Bebe Steven: curvy body, curly hair, nice eyes, but always had an on again off again relationship with dumb ass jock Clyde, nonetheless she was pretty dumb too. Heidi Turner: bitch leader of the rest of the bitches,(I blame Cartman for the dramatic change from nice to mean girl after they broke up for good), gray-brown hair that reached her shoulders, dull eyes, but rocking body, especially those titties damn... Don't get me started, she'd dated Cartman though so I made a mental note to stay away. Then finally we have Criss: dull looking girl, only hispanic girl, smart ass, and a cocky bitch. No fun looking at the options of closed doors. I looked back to the guys, maybe if I was gay I'd have more options. I shook my head laughing, nah, I liked 'em titties too much. That's all that I can remember from school so let's move onto home, shall we?

I opened the door seeing my parents fighting. Dad threw a lamp that lazily hit my head. I cringed knowing it was meant for mom. With that, I trudged up the stairs. "Oh no, you don't Kenny!" She screamed. I looked back flipping her off and slamming the door. After an hour passed I found myself hungry. The ruckus downstairs calmed to a complete silence which felt uneasy. When I reached downstairs I found my entire family sitting at the kitchen table waffles in all their plates. Even damn Kevin was here. What the hell was going on?

I took a seat next to Karen and Mom began eating her waffles hastidly. Dad rolled his eyes. "Go ahead and tell them already." He grunted. She looked up wiping her mouth of syrup.

"Kids, your asshole of a father wants a divorce." She said digging back into her waffles. Only her chewing echoed the room as we all fell silent. Karen was the first one to break the silence. She burst into tears running up to her room Damn it, I thought. Kevin laughed devouring his waffles in one bite. 

~Kenny Who the hell else?