Bad & Badder (paused)

16. like we used to

I drove home and went to my room immediately. I just needed to be alone. With all these bad memories I needed a break from people and my mind.

But i couldn't get away from my mind, so i put headphones on and blasted it.

I needed to put these memories down or i will destroy everything in my life, and my future will be ruined.

I was laying on my bed, when i saw my door open a little.

I quickly grabbed my gun from my nightstand and aimed it at the door. I put it down when i saw who it was.

"What are you doing here?"

"I wanted to check on you."

"Shouldn't I be the one checking on you? Last time i saw you you were bleeding out in my arms."

"Yeah, but if you came to visit me, you would've known i was okay. But instead you had your dad check up on me."

I looked away from him, and looked at the floor.

"I had to stay away from you."

"Why?"

"Because Zach. Wherever i am or wherever i go someone gets hurt. I'm a human bomb that can explode any minute. Trust me you don't want me by your side, i'll just ruin your life."

He shook his head taking a few steps into my room. "You don't get to choose who i hang out with, you don't get to make all the choices. If i want to hang out with you that's my choice, not yours."

I looked up at him.

"It's for your safety, trust me."

"I don't care."

"Yeah, but i do. Ron almost killed you, he had the chance to shoot you in the head."

"Yeah, but he didn't."

"How does that make it better? If there's someone else out there that's out to get me, which by the way there's plenty, they will come after you."

"Okay? That's a chance i will take. I'm not the little kid you said goodbye to in Arizona. I've been working out, i've trained. I can handle myself."

That didn't reassure me.

"I know you like to protect people that you care about, but leaving them behind, and acting like you don't know them isn't going to help."

He came closer, "Plus i have friends who know how to use a gun and fight, we aren't alone in this."

"But i am Zach! I've always been alone in this. And how am i supposed to trust them? What just because they are your friends i should automatically trust them? You know i can't do that."

"No you can't. But you can try. Try to get to know them, and if you still don't trust them after then you can be on your own. All i want is for us to be by each other's side like we used to."

"Also Kieran told me what had happened in the last week. And i know you aren't okay. You've been more hostile than you usually are. You wouldn't let Cherry get to you. So tell me what's going on."

"I know you want to help, but if i bring up those memories i won't be able to take it. So please just trust me on that, please."

He didn't look reassured.

"That's the one thing i can't just tell you. When i left i entered a whole new world. And so much shit happened that i can't just talk like it's a normal conversation."

"Okay, that's fine. We can talk about it when you're ready. Okay?"

I nodded my head and shut my phone off.