Nicky Nichols one shots

Nicky on feeling like a failure.

Everything felt so out of Nickys control.  Everything she hoped would never happen in her lifetime, was happening.. and there was nothing Nicky could do to stop it. She was losing everyone. Nicky tried, She got Luschek to move  Lorna into her cell so she could look after her incredibly vulnerable bestfriend a bit more but as fate would have it, Nicky was all a bit too late. Shani was gone and she didnt even get to say goodbye which crushed Nicky, Red was M.I.A because of her recent diagnosis and thats something nicky never wants to think about again because the idea of Red forgetting her hurts too much and Lorna has been falling in and out of turning on Nicky and is becoming even more unpredictable and harder to calm down in the last few days.. yep, everything was just falling apart in front of Nickys eyes and everything she was doing to try and fix it, save them, was failing.

Key word here, failure. Nicky felt like the biggest failure, she failed everyone she loves and that scares her because thats what Nicky before litchfield did, its not what Nicky who has finally found a family and reason to live in prison is suppose to do. No words could do it justice for how much Red and Lorna really mean to her, the idea of losing them she can not even comprehend. Nicky spends a few nights silently watching Lorna sleep and all that goes through her head each night are the sentences 'I'm so sorry' and 'i hope this is just a phase.' A phase of fucking up and being an ignorant asshole who couldn't even see that the people she loves the most in the world really were falling apart around her, a phase of being blind and not paying enough attention. No! That stops now, Nicky knew there was nothing she could do to stop Reds diagnosis so she felt determined to NEVER give up on Lorna and to help her no matter what it takes  even if it feels like Nicky has already lost Lorna inside of her own head.

||. Not finished yet and currently CRYINGGGGG BC OF THIS SCENE.😭💔