Nicky Nichols one shots

large s7 Nicky solo :(

||. Season 7 Nicky solo down below. Spoilers.
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It is so unfair, it is so fucking unfair, what life can throw at you sometimes. Nicky felt so helpless, she couldnt do a thing to help those that she loves the most. She couldnt control what was happening to them, she just had to witness it, starting to realise that no matter what she does, she cant help them like they once helped her. That its too much out of her control and theres nothing she can do about it, its too late for all of them. Her heart ached for Red, her mother, the idea of losing her like she could see was happening so fast, it was too much. It was too much to bare, but she knows deep down that Red loves her and she couldn't fuck it up. she couldnt fuck up her life that Red helped her with so much and gave her the confidence to build back up, because what was happening around her was too much to handle. She had to stay strong, she had to stay strong for Lorna.

Her Lorna, her Lorna that was slowly slipping down the rabbit hole, sorry, not slowly, who was leaping down the rabbit hole into her head. After Vinny told her that she couldnt help Lorna, Nicky was determined to prove him wrong, she would NEVER abandon Lorna when Lorna needs her the most, even the thought made her sick.. until she really thought about it, really really thought about it. He was right, Lorna couldnt cope with what life had dealt her and she was slowly turning on Nicky. Everyday it got harder to try and calm her down, to make sure she has no outbursts, to make sure shes okay. Lorna wasnt there right now. Nickycouldnt get through to her, she couldnt break into wherever Lorna had gone and it was becoming too dangerous for Lorna. Lorna needed to be some place safer, so she wouldnt do anything she regrets like attacking someone and getting extra time when all Lorna needs is to be out of the prison thats not helping her and into a doctors office who can really help her.

Just like with Lorna, Nicky wasnt there when Shani needed her, Shani is someone that in such little time, changed Nickys life, opened her up a little more then Nicky has ever been used to. Her heart ached for Shani too, Nicky would read that letter over and over, each time feeling worse, she just wanted to help Shani, she wanted to treat Shani the way she deserves after what the poor woman had been put through, she wanted to be there for her and she wanted to make Shani feel good, but instead of being there, she was unavailable. On that disappointing spreee of hers that she had been on for the last week. Shani got taken away before Nicky got to tell her how much she meant to her and that hurt.

It felt like it was all her fault. No matter how hard she tries she was failing someone left right and centre, how could she do that to the people that meant the world to her, only realising each time it was too late. Not seeing it when she needed to see it. She had to let them all go because she couldnt give them the help any of them needed, especially Lorna. Red, her mom, was slowly forgetting, Lorna, her bestfriend, the love of her life, platonic or otherwise, was slowly going into her own mind and locking herself inside, shani was on a plane and from what she had told Nicky about her home, probably getting sent to her funeral.

It was too late for them and as much as it hurt to carry on, Red had taught her too. Red had given her the strength over those 5 years to stay strong, to do what is best for her and to move on with her life. Nicky did what she knew best, she followed in Reds Footsteps, continuing to work in the kitchen and to help everyone that needed the help Nicky did when she first arrived. To try and be the Red that Red was to her, for other people. Thats the only way she could make herself keep going and she was determined to keep going for them, knowing deep down, no matter how fucked up she felt, they would want her to continue.