Nicky Nichols one shots

Nicky on mothers day solo

||. Solo .||
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Mothers day.
All Nicky ever wanted as a kid was Markas love, instead, she was only needed when her mother had family get togethers so she could keep up the perfect mother look. As a teen, after she realised looking for Markas love really was never going to work, she rebelled. Its not like her father was ever around, the court ordered Nicky to stay at his house after the divorce when nicky was 5, every saturday.. and every saturday he worked late. Nicky didnt understand why, she didnt understand why she was so hard to be around. The only times Marka was really around was to give Nicky money.. she was only ever there for Nicky when it came to money and that hurt but she ran with it.

She started despising mothers day as a late teen and in her early 20s. So many people around her in class talked about their mom and how much they loved their parents, at first Nicky lied and would say the same thing but everyone eventually saw how absent her parents really were. Half of them pitied her, half of the people around her judged her. Thats when she found drugs. The love of her life. The mother she never had.

Drugs made nicky feel good, it filled that empty void in her chest, even for a few seconds.. and those few seconds, few minutes, few days.. whatever drugs she could get her hands on, however long it filled her up, they were worth it to her. Heroin was her hero though, she would lay back and it felt like her mother was hugging her. She would feel like she was floating, she was above all her trauma, she was above her abusive uncle, she was above her absent father.. she was okay, just while she was under the influence of it, she felt okay.

Half of the time she felt more then okay, she felt on top of the world, like she didnt even know what pain felt like but everytime she came down, it felt worse and worse, harder and harder, the crashing memories, the bad feelings filling her all up at once, feeling like tjey could rip her apart.. it was too much, too much at once, so she would use again and everytime she ran out, the feelings came down on her harder then the last time and she would get more desperate to use, again and again anf each time her tolerence went up, it got more expensive, felt more stronger, she needed that strength and then in the midst of all that, another life started to look impossible, this is who she was.

She got even more bitter towards her parents, if you could even call them that, but the hardest part is.. through all of the pain, the trauma, the blind eye of the mother and the absentee father, she loved her mother more then anything, she couldn't help it, she knew it was hopeless and Marka would never change, she would never really care or learn to show in healthy ways that she cared, she has always been the same shitty manipulative person she always was so Nicky had to make herself hate the woman so it wouldnt hurt as much. She really did hate Marka, the only way Marka ever came through for her was when she needed money and the money, unless it was going to rehab, always went to drugs.

||. Not finished this solo yet .||