My Made-up Story

Khairiyat (Well-Being)

Chapter Four

I'm staring at his number.

What am I waiting for?

I don't know.

For him to call me or I to call him?

I don't know.

Does he think of me?

I don't know.

Does he miss me?

I don't know.

Do I miss him?

...I don't.

I turned off my phone and stared at the dark ceiling.

I question myself all the time.

But it's irritating when I think about.

What if I'm the only one thinking?

I should try to mend it, but how can I?

When it was an arrange marriage.

"Why would she do that?!"

"She said she will kill me first then she will kill herself!..."

"She left everything! Where is she going to go now?! When we die, who is going to take care of her?! How is she going live?!

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My heart starts pounding really hard  almost like it's hitting against my rib cage really hard.

It's funny to think how much has changed in just two months.

I have changed in two months.

And I hope it's for the better.

I closed my eyes, taking deep breaths, trying to calm myself.

Break ups are hard when you fall in love. Right?

But what happens when you break up and you never got the chance to fall in love?

Well, it just makes it easier to move on.

Right?

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I can't believe it...

I left my assignment in the last two days!

What happened to the whole speech  "oh, I'm going to change my life now?! I'm going to go and reach for the stars?!"

Damn it!

Ugh, I can't do this...

I...

I have to do this.

I can't focus anymore.

I think...

I lost sight to who I wanted to be.

Who I wanted to become.

I don't feel like myself anymore.

Before everything, the world was shit to me but now, it's nothing.

Like I couldn't careless what others think of me.

That I could be sleeping all day long and it still wouldn't bother me what others would think.

And because of that, I got lazy and big.

Like big, with a capital b.

I am not stress eating or anything. Rather, just not bothered to get up and do stuff.

Almost reverting to my previous self but not entirely.

I feel... spaced out.

I just don't really walk around anymore. I'm gaining weight and I am eating a lot of junk food.

Am I supposedly being dramatic?

I can hear someone saying in my ear, 'well stop being lazy then.'

Well actually it's Ash_on_LoL voice.

Big fan. Big fan.

Oh, I have been watching alot of streamers lately.

I think it's making me feel happy watching them having fun with their mates. It feels awesome.

But at the same time, I'm like, 'I wish had friends like them' and by that I mean, friends to play games with.

It do be feel a bit lonely.

Haha.

But on a serious note, I think true happiness only lies for those who choose to be happy and not relying on others.

If LIFE gives you lemons, then make lemon cakes.

Because I live for lemon cakes.