Toxic // m.c.

chapter ten.

*Michaels P.O.V*

I slammed Sophia’s apartment door shut and slid down to the ground.

I remember everything, every single detail. I remember the way it felt to hug her again, how it sent an electric fire all through my body. I remember the way her eyes lit up with hope that I’d remember, only to be later crushed by me.

I don’t know why I told her I didn’t remember, mainly I was just scared. But not for me, no, I was for her. I’ve watched that girl become a shell of her own self, the light in her dying as every day passed that I put her through hell. That’s why I left, I couldn’t stand to see her dim any longer, and my own heart was aching as well. But one of the first things I noticed as I got to New York was that here I have no heart, it was still back in Maryland with her, and I’d rather have it dimmed than non-existent.

Sophia seems so much more at peace with herself now, but there’s something off with her. Her smile isn’t as bright as it used to be, her laugh isn’t as loud and full as it was before and I can only blame myself for that. I should probably let Sophia move on, find a man who can really treat her right, but I’m a selfish man who just cannot let her go.

I got myself up and made my way back over to my apartment. I went into my bedroom and reached under my bed, pulling out a wooden box. I opened the box, and all the pictures spilled out like they usually did. I did this a lot, whenever I thought of her. I’d write down a memory of us and put it in there, just to keep for my own sake. I also had tons of pictures in there as well, just to look back on. My personal favorite though, was a Polaroid of her, and only her. She was starring off into space, just counting the tiles on the ground but there was just something about her that caught my breath.

I had taken it the day I met Sophia, right before I walked over to her. She was sitting there all alone, and I couldn’t believe how beautiful she was. I knew right then and there that she was going to be the one to make me and destroy me, and I didn’t even mind. So call me creepy if you want, but I took a picture. She looked too beautiful not to, and I wanted something to look back on. I wanted to remember her, even if nothing happened. Never have I seen a girl who just simply took my breath away, and I thought that was a pretty magical thing.

I think I fell harder than I ever intended on. Somewhere between secret looks at eachother, little kisses and coversations I've never had with anyone else, I fell. I fell and I haven't stopped falling since. You can't stop it. You can only brace yourself for the impact, and your best hope is that you'll only end up with some bruises and not broken bones.

That night, I made her a promise. It seemed like such a silly one at some dumb party, but I could tell it meant so much more by her eyes. She wanted me to promise I wasn’t going to enter her life and ruin it, and even though I’ve broken that promise, many, many times, I want to amend myself. I made a home out of her, and quite frankly I’m homesick.

My thoughts were interrupted though by a loud scream coming over from Sophia’s apartment and I was already out the door running over, full panic taking over me.

I ran through her apartment door, trying to locate where the screaming had come from when I realized she was still in her room. I heard things slamming, her crying, muttering profanities at herself. Just as I was about to enter the room, she started speaking, and I assumed she was on the phone. I started to walk away, wanting to give her privacy, but I just couldn’t do that. I needed to make sure she was okay, so I turned back around and listened through the door.

“I’m so fucking stupid, I’m so stupid. I let him in, again, and he didn’t even remember-“

“I fucking hate myself, why do I let him do this to me?”

I heard the low tone of someone else talking on the other line sternly at her, and she was just crying more by the second.                                          

“My classes, I had school today, but I let him get to me so bad I had to cancel, can you believe that? Stupid, stupid, stupid, god I’m so fucking stupid. Why can’t I-“

Sophia then went silent, listening intently on whatever the person on the other line was saying to her.

“But I still love him…” she said just above a low whisper, almost like she didn’t want to say it.

I couldn’t stand to hear anymore, because I could already feel the tears rolling down my own cheeks as well. How could I do this to her? If I loved her so much, how could I drive her to the point of hating herself, canceling classes at her dream school?

As I was opening the apartment door to make my way out again, my phone buzzed, with four simple words that really broke my heart.

From, Raelynn Mitchell: don’t ruin her again.

I didn’t want to seem hurt though, I didn’t want to let them know. I wanted them to think I was still an asshole, maybe then Sophia would stay away from me and save herself from another heart break. So no matter how much it pained me, I still didn’t stop myself from sending the next words.

To, Raelynn Mitchell: no promises

A/N: THANKS EVERYONE FOR OVER 300 READS!! hope u all have an amazing day filled with Dominos pizza