Toxic // m.c.

chapter eight.

As soon as I shut my door I immediately went into the kitchen to get Michael a glass of water, to sober him up a little bit. I didn’t know exactly what to give Michael when he’s drunk, I’ve never had to deal with that before. But, I have had to deal with a drunken mother back when I was younger, so that gives me an idea on what to do.

I brought the water to Michael who was lying down on the couch, and he immediately gulped it all down like he thought it was alcohol again.

I was about to get back up to get him another glass of water, when Michael grabbed my arm and stopped me.

“Why are you helping me?” He asked me just above a whisper.

Honestly, I knew exactly why I was still helping Michael. I knew it was because I would always love him and care for him, and it’s pathetic as hell but I’d always come running back no matter how much he’d hurt me. But maybe Ashton can change that? I have an open mind. Maybe he can help me forget Michael as much as I want too. But then again, I don’t want to just be using Ashton. I don’t know what the hell to do, or what the hell to say.

I just gave Michael a small smile back instead of responding, and went to get his glass of water.

Michael obviously decided he wasn’t going to have that though, so he followed me into the kitchen and grabbed me once again, pulling me to face him. “No. Why are you helping me?”

“I think the real question is why are you drinking? From what I can remember you swore you’d never drink. But then I hear you’re coming into work hung-over so much to the point you get fired, and now this. What happened to you?”

Michael put both his hands in his hair and began to tug at it, pacing around my kitchen obviously stressed. Which he really shouldn’t be doing, he almost has none to pull with the amount of times he dyes it. But that’s not what’s important right now.

“YOU, YOU HAPPENED! CAN YOU NOT SEE THAT?” Michael screamed at me, causing me to flinch and i saw his eyes fill with a bit of guilt.

“I didn’t know what to do without you! I was lost! I was so fucking angry, so angry I thought drinking was my only way to cope without you and that made me hate you. That made me hate who I had become. I hated myself so much that I put myself through drinking just because I didn’t have you, and then I hated myself more because I realized the reason I didn’t have you was my fault. Now you’re here, and you’re going on a date with that curly haired prick, which makes me even angrier, because you’re moving on and I haven’t. Every time I’m with another girl I see you. No matter who I’m with, I’m wishing it was you. I fucking hate that, and it makes me hate you. So there, you want to know? Now you do.”

Michael’s eyes were blazing with anger so intensely, and I was...speechless. I didn’t know what to think of all that, because Michael was drunk. I doubt he’d even remember this in the morning, and I doubt he meant it. It was probably just the alcohol talking. But I still talked back, because instead of just walking him to his apartment like I should of, I’m a dumbass and kept it going.

“You know how badly you hurt me Michael? Do you even realize how much I missed you and still do?” I said speaking softly, trying to calm him down.

I guess it worked though, because Michael started stepping closer to me with soft eyes that were telling me to go on.

“But I don’t even blame you completely for all the stuff that happened between us. It takes two people to fight, Michael. When I came here, and discovered you were my neighbor, something inside me really hoped we would work stuff out. But now, here you are standing in front of me, and I realize we can’t. You’re not the same Michael I fell in love with anymore, you’re someone else, and I don’t like it. A part of me is always going to love you Michael, but I can’t sit around waiting for the old you to come back and fix things. I need to be happy for once.”

Tears were streaming down my face and Michael put his thumbs under my eyes to wipe them. I don’t know why I even told Michael all of this, probably because I knew he wouldn’t remember anything tomorrow so it wouldn’t even matter. It just felt nice to get it off my chest.

When Michael pulled me in to hug him as well, I didn’t stop that either, even though every bone in my body was screaming at me not to hug back.

“I want to prove to you I can be that guy again Sophia, I really do.”

“I don’t… I don’t think you can Mikey.” I whispered, really hoping Michael didn’t catch on to the fact I just called him by his old nickname on accident. But judging by how wide his eyes got, I’m assuming he did.

“Can I stay here? For the night? I really don’t want to be alone.” Michael whispered, still holding onto me.

“I don’t know Michael… that’s really not a good idea.”

“Please, I promise I won’t bother you and let you get some sleep. Tomorrow morning we can discuss this and work it out, maybe I can be the one to take you on a date.” He said with a little laugh.

“Michael you’re not going to remember any of this tomorrow. You’re drunk; I bet you didn’t even really mean anything you said tonight”

“Soph, have you ever heard of the saying ‘a drunken mouth is just what a sober person is afraid to say’?” he asked me. Well that is true.

“Alright, well we’ll just have to test that in the morning. You can sleep on the couch; call me if you need anything. Got it?” I told him, faking a sense of security in my voice. 

“Got it” He said with a small smile, and made his way over to the couch and laid down on it.

He started falling asleep pretty quickly, eyes drifiting open and shut; I guess he was really tired. I was really tired too, it was four A.M.  I decided there was no point in sleeping since I’d have to wake up at seven in the morning for classes that started at nine. I’d barely get any sleep and be too tired to even get up.

So I went into the kitchen once again and made myself a cup of coffee, and sat at the other end of the couch just studying Michael as he slept. Would Michael really remember? If he did, did I really want to fix this? I knew we were bad for each other and a relationship isn’t the best thing for us, so maybe we could just be friends?

Friends with Michael, I let that thought run through my head. That’s such a foreign sound to me. Michael and I have never really been “just friends”. We fell in love pretty quickly, and hard.

But it was no surprise when I fell asleep on the couch; I was too tired not too.

The last thing I heard before my world went black drifting into sleep was a mumble from Michael, probably talking in his sleep.