Ending

Chapter 20 - A Heavy Burden

I sat on my bed, waiting for Ben as I held the loose leather firmly in my hands, thinking past all the ways I could go about this.

I could meet the beautiful man, talk to him. For some very strange and unknown reason, the thought made my stomach quiver in excitement.

However, I understood having the wallet in my possession was somewhat hard to explain, as the real explanation didn't seem to be that believable.

In recounting the story in my head, telling a man that I had happened upon his wallet because I was inspecting a grave he regulars would come off as strange.

I was fighting an uphill battle.

On one hand, my curiosity about him gnawed at me. He was always so composed, so distant. On the other hand, if Ben found out... well, I'd have to tell him how I got it.

I grunted in frustration, the weight of the situation pressing down on me. With an irritated huff, I shoved the wallet under my pillow, being careful not to push my fragile doll out from underneath it as well, trying—unsuccessfully—to banish it from my thoughts.

My eyes drifted toward the clock on the nightstand. The dim red numbers read 5:14.

Even though I'd hidden the wallet away, I knew it would resurface in my mind, like it had all night. Each time sleep evaded me, I'd pull it back out, turning it over in my hands, going through the same cycle.

Tuck it away. Imagine how to return it. Picture the conversation in my head.

And then, like a slap, the realization hit me again—I didn't have the words. I could barely string together sentences when I was with Ben or Lilly, and I was comfortable with them. How could I even begin to explain myself to him? The whole situation seemed to collapse in on itself, becoming more impossible with each anxious thought.

The simple answer was never as simple as it seemed.

I could give the wallet to Ben and let him handle it. I could even lie, say I found it near the gate. That way, he wouldn't know I had been by the grave.

But even as the thought crossed my mind, the knot in my stomach twisted tighter. It wasn't a good idea.

My fingers absentmindedly gripped the soft fabric of my clothes as I glanced around the room. Everything in here—warm, clean, safe—had been given to me by Ben and Lilly. They had asked for nothing in return, except my happiness. Could I really look Ben in the eye and lie to him?

The only thing he had ever asked of me was not to disturb that one grave. And I had done exactly that.

A soft knock sounded at my bedroom door, and it slowly creaked open. Ben stepped in, his usual kind smile in place.

"Are you ready to go, miss?" he asked gently.

His voice pulled me from my spiraling thoughts. I shifted on the bed, leaning into the pillow to conceal the wallet hidden beneath it.

I forced a smile. "Yes."

But the nagging unease never left me. All morning, I was painfully aware of my surroundings, my eyes darting around as if the weight of my secret could somehow be seen.

By midday, the hours crawled by, and I found no comfort in the small tasks Ben had set for me. My focus wavered, slipping again and again to the old grave by the tree.

It felt like I was slowly unraveling. Each time I glanced at Ben, guilt gnawed at me a little more, and it was becoming harder to hide.

His simple, easy looks were no longer just that—there was something different in the way he watched me now. Concern flickered in his eyes, and when we made eye contact, he lingered a little too long, as if he were trying to read the worry etched on my face.