Good Girls Have Secrets

Chapter 3

After grabbing a slice of pizza, I hop into the old gray impala Uncle David let me borrow for the next few months. I miss my Jetta, but at least I have wheels.

My chest tightens as I near the church. I hate walking into places by myself, which is why I usually pick up one of my friends before going anywhere. When I'm by myself, it's like I don't know what to do. How can I feel confident with everyone staring at me, like I'm a loser with no friends? Texting Audrey, I make sure she's going to be there when I arrive.

When did I lose everyone? How did I end up here alone? 

It's been years since I attended church. I remember sitting in church the fall after my dad died. Normally I would've been snuggling on his lap, the pew felt like a harsh reminder that he'd never be there again. With dad gone, Corrine corrected me whispering things like, sit up straight or stop biting your nails. Dad would've told her to leave me alone.

For the first few months after he died, we went every Sunday like usual, then my mom started letting us skip. When we did go, none of us wanted to be there, especially me. The entire time, my heart ached for my dad. I hated the pain, so I fought with my mom to stay home, until one day she finally gave in. I never went back.

Anxiety mixes with an intense ache for my dad. Picturing him in his dress pants and button-down shirt, I can smell his cologne. If time is supposed to heal all wounds, then why does it still hurt so bad to think about my dad?

Pulling up to Cornerstone, there's an unusual number of pickup trucks. More people drive them here than in California. I wonder if Matt drives a truck or a car?

The building looks more like a business than a church. There's no steeple with a bell. Looking at my watch, it's an hour before the service starts, yet tons of people are milling around the atrium. 

Grabbing my purse and makeup bag out of the passenger seat, I make sure I have my keys and phone. Feeling around for my flat iron, it must've fallen onto the floor. I feel weird carrying all this stuff into the church.

Scanning the crowd of students drinking coffee and chatting, I look for Audrey. Just as I'm about to text her again, I spot her bounding towards me with a big grin.

Grabbing my hand, she pulls me along with her. "Come on. We don't have much time. I already saved us some seats up front." Pulling at her massive amount of curly hair, she says, "I'm not sure you can do much with this mop tonight."

I smile, knowing I can make it look so much better.

Twenty minutes later, we walk out of the bathroom. Audrey gushes, "Okay you have to take me shopping and show me what I need to buy. I can't believe how different I look."

I laugh. "That would be fun. I'll send you some of the makeup tutorials I watch."

"Okay!" She leads me into the auditorium.

The dim lighting and seating makes it feel more like a concert than church. Glowing lights draw my eyes to the stage. Scanning the room, I look for Matt, but I don't see him.

I'm a bit overdressed. Flannels and jeans appear to be the outfit of choice. Tonight, I opted for my grey boots with a short heel, a flowy ivory top, with dark gray skinny jeans, and a cream-colored leather jacket. 

Audrey pulls me up to the stage. Kyle is plugging and unplugging a few cords. Watching Kyle's expression as he spots her confirms that I nailed it. 

He waves, "What's up ladies?"

Audrey grins, "We just came to say hi before we grab our seats. Is Matt around?" She nudges me, making my face flush.

I recognize Matt's voice from backstage, "Kyle, are you ready to start? We have like thirty seconds before the countdown ends, man."