Good Girls Have Secrets

Chapter 6

Two days later, shooting out of bed, I'm late. Either I forgot to set my alarm, or I shut it off in my sleep. The absolute worst way to start my day.

Half-dressed, I dig for the twinkling ringtone buried in my covers. Not hiding my annoyance, I answer, "Corrine, now is not a good time."

"I don't care if it's a good time." My sister's clipped tone surprises me. She's usually the patient one.

 "Sorry. What's your problem?"

Her breath wavers, as if she has been crying. "Mom's moving. Gerald asked her to marry him last night. I guess he got a new job, and he promised to buy her a place on the ocean, in Ventura."

"She's leaving Morro Bay, with him? She can't do that!" My head's spinning.

"Yes. She talked for like fifteen minutes straight last night. Then hung up because Gerald needed her to do something for him."

Angry. I grit my teeth. "Why would she marry that cheater? Guess I'm never coming home again. She knows I hate him." Gasping for air, I cry, "She's going to sell our house. She can't do that. How could she do this to us?"

I picture another family hanging out by the pool in the backyard. A new little girl will sleep in my room. And what about my dad's office? That's where I go to feel close to him.

Getting hysterical, I scream, "She's getting rid of every connection to dad. Maybe I can buy it. I'll get a loan." 

Corrine says something under her breath. "I don't need this."

"You don't need this? I can't take one more thing right now."

"How do you always manage to make everything about you? Like you're the only one with problems. Give me a break." Corrine's voice is hollow and sad.

"Shut up, Corrine. My problems a little bigger than yours." Pausing, I ask, "Wait. Why are you calling me instead of mom?"

Corrine sighs, "She couldn't deal with your breakdown. She said you'd kill her happiness, so she asked me to call."

Typical. This is exactly why I moved away from my family. "I'm late for class. I've got to go." Before I hang up, I ask. "Does Max know?"

"What do you care? Your problems are bigger than everyone else's, right? Maybe I'll call him after my nap since my life is so easy." Her sarcasm is cold and mean, reminding me of my mom. I hear the click on the other end. Why doesn't my family ever say goodbye?

As much as my sister annoys me, I miss her. I barely talk to either one of my siblings. Max is in Los Angeles. Corrine, the farthest, has a little studio apartment in New York, with her husband Angelo. They've been married for two years.

Pulling my hair into a low side ponytail, I put on silver hoop earrings and a touch of makeup. Finally heading out the door, a blast of cold air hits my face, I wonder how different I would be if I grew up in this house.

Driving to class, my mind drifts between memories of studying after school and weekend parties. One night, I stumbled into the house hours past curfew. Hitting my shoulder on the door frame, I steadied myself, preparing to act sober. Expecting my mom to be at the kitchen table, my excuses were well rehearsed, but she wasn't there.

Grabbing a glass of water and some ibuprofen, I headed to my room. I patted the bed to see if she was there, but it was empty. Flipping on the light, my reflection in my full length mirror startled me. 

I was only 15 when my mom gave up on me. At the time it felt like a victory. A few days later, out of nowhere, my first panic attack hit me. They've plagued me ever since.