Good Girls Have Secrets

Chapter 12

Glowing from the night before, I rush down the steps on my way to Union to study. Finding Aunt Beth in the kitchen drinking her coffee, her sweater and black pants tell me she'll be leaving for church soon.

She smiles, setting her cup down. "You're up early. Are you going to church already?"

Guilt waves over me. Making a quick decision, I say, "I need to get some studying done today, so I'm going to the Union after church, and then I have Bible study tonight."

With a twinkle in her eyes, she teases, "How was the concert last night? Don't you just love Christian concerts?"

"Good...Confusing."

Looking confused, she asks," Why was it confusing?"

Taking a deep breath, I explain, "Even though we were with a group, I went with Matt." I whisper. "I really like him."

Shaking her head, "Do you think it's fair to start something now? Aren't you worried you're going to hurt him?"

Dropping down on the chair next to Aunt Beth, laying my head in my arms, I whine, "I don't know what to do." Pulling my head up, I look at her, "So you think I should stop seeing him?"

"You either need to put a stop to it. Or you need to tell him the truth, so he can decide for himself. It's not right for you to keep him in the dark."

 Feeling irritated, I snap, "I'll figure it out." Pushing back from the table,  I stand. 

Grabbing my arm, she says, "Wait. Don't leave like this. I'm sorry." Wrapping me in a tight hug, she holds me.

Crying on her shoulder, my mind swirls with thoughts of having a relationship with Matt and the reality that he would be better off without me. Knowing that the truth will change his feelings.

Pulling back to look me in the eye, Aunt Beth consoles, "Take some time to pray about it this afternoon. I know you'll do what's best for him."

Nodding, I head towards the porch to grab my stuff.  I don't even know what to ask God or how to know if he answers me. I'm not like her.

Sliding on my coat, I think about all the fun things Matt and I can do in the weeks ahead. It'll be a nice distraction.  We're young. I deserve to be happy too. Instead of labeling it, I'll enjoy the time we have.

Driving on autopilot, I walk through the church doors to early service. Spotting Sean outside the sanctuary, I wait for him to finish his conversation. Catching a glimpse of me, he pats the guy on the shoulder and points to me. With a warm smile, he leans in, saying, "Hey Maddie. I was just thinking about you yesterday."

Giving him a little wave, I consider asking to meet, but I'm too embarrassed.

Interrupting my thoughts, he apologizes, "I'm sorry I haven't gotten ahold of you. Do you want to meet sometime this week?"

"That would be amazing. I have a lot of decisions coming up." Pulling up our calendars, Friday afternoon works for both of us.

Glancing towards the sanctuary, the service is starting. Pointing to the door, Sean says, "I need to get in there, but can I introduce you to my wife first?"

Feeling too anxious to talk to her, I stammer, "I...um... need to use the restroom before I go in. Maybe I can catch you guys after church."

"No problem. Enjoy the service." He turns and heads in.

In the bathroom, I feel someone staring at me. I spot the vixen with the red hair staring back at me in the mirror. Wiping her hands on a paper towel, Andrea turns toward me, "You look sick. Is everything okay?"

Gritting my teeth, I snap. "I think your jealousy has you seeing things."

Heading toward the stall to get away from her, I hear her say, "I know you're hiding something. I'll figure it out, then it'll be a pleasure to expose you."

Turning around, I lunge towards her, reaching for a handful of her hair, but stop myself. "Face it. He doesn't like you whether or not I'm in the picture." Marching into the bathroom stall, I slam the door. "Just leave me alone."

Buzzing from head to toe, anxiety and anger create a dangerous combination. Hate doesn't come easily to me. Feeling it growing inside me, I want to make Andrea hurt. Starting a rumor about her would be the simplest way to get back at her. 

Making my way into the church service, as the worship band finishes the song, I find a seat in the second row from the top. Sinking down, feeling exhausted, I could use a nap.

 Listing the people getting on my nerves, Mom. Corrine.  Will. Allie. Basically, anyone I'm close to.  Adding Andrea to the list, I wonder if I'm a jerk magnet. Why are people so mean to me? 

"Maddie? What are you doing here?" Matt's loud whisper comes from behind me. Sitting next to me, he smirks "Can I sit here? Or is this seat taken?"

Ignoring his question, I ask, "What are you doing here? Don't you usually go to late service?" Not in the mood to see anyone, I wonder who else is with Matt. I just want to be alone right now.

Breaking the connection with Matt seems impossible. I'm not strong enough to ignore him or tell him to go away when I don't mean it.  Brushing up against me, the warmth of his arm sends me soaring. It's confusing and annoying.

Leaning in, my ear tingles, as he says, "Later a group of us are going to serve lunch at a homeless shelter in Des Moines, if you want to come."

Instinctively, I put together the pieces. "Is that why Andrea's here?" My voice is harsh.

"Yes. She's going." He moves away a bit.

Crossing my arms across my chest, I snap, "Thanks for inviting me as an after thought." I hate that  Andrea's going to win this little game we're playing. I can't compete with her because she's already got a head start.

Speaking slow and gentle, like you would to a wounded animal, Matt explains , "Kyle and I signed up a while ago. I didn't know she was going until this morning, when she told me." Resting his hand on my knee, he moves his fingers back and forth.

Feeling edgy and confused, I pull away. Part of me wants him to wrap his arms around me, holding me, making everything go away.  It's too much. Grabbing my purse,  barely able to whisper, I say, "I need to go. Have fun today." Walking as fast as I can, I head to my car.

Pull out of the parking lot, my phone buzzes.  Matt's name pops up. Pushing the button, I ignore him. Ringing again, I reach down to ignore the Matt's call, but notice Will's name. Perfect. Who's going to call next, my mom?