Good Girls Have Secrets

Chapter 25

Come morning, I can't avoid calling Xavier any longer. The hospital called getting his consent for the surgery, even before the DNA test results are back. The surgery couldn't wait any longer. Reassuring the doctors that Xavier is the only possibility left, they moved forward.

I think I always knew Xavier was her father, but when everyone assumed it was Will, in a way it was easier. I didn't expect Will's family to come after my baby. Part of me hoped they'd help provide means to the life my daughter deserves.

Dialing his number, it goes straight to voicemail. Leaving a message, "Hey, it's me. We need to talk. Call me back."

What feels like hours go by before he calls me. I have since gotten the update that Caris' surgery is going better than expected, showered in the hospital shower, and listened to Uncle David read a few verses out of the Bible. Most of the time my mind circled around different things to say to Xavier, wondering if he'll want to raise our child or if he'll leave me to do it alone.

"Hey, Xavier." Answering his call like it's just a normal day. I don't know what to say to him.

"What's going on, Maddie?" He sounds stressed. "I got a call yesterday from a hospital telling I'm the father of your baby. What are they talking about?"

"You remember what happened that one night. Well, I got pregnant." I pace back and forth in the waiting room outside the NICU, thankfully no one is around to hear our conversation.

"How is that possible? You said you were on the pill."

"I was. But I took antibiotics that month, and my pill didn't work."

"How do you know it's mine? I bet there are a lot of possibilities." He's being hateful.

"It's yours. Will is the only other possibility, and he isn't the father. You're the one that sleeps around not me." I add. "There will be no question once the DNA test results come back."

"Get me the paperwork to sign off my rights. Don't tell anyone about this. You're going to ruin everything." He snaps.

"You're going to tell Allie. You can't keep this from her if you plan to marry her." My heart sinks knowing he wants me to keep the baby a secret. "Besides, people are going to ask who the father is."

"Not my problem. You're a good liar. Make up a guy from Iowa."

Matt flashes into mind. I can't do that to him. "That's ridiculous. I can't just make up a fake person. What about when the baby gets older? Your name will be on her birth certificate."

"If you know what's good for you, you'll find a way to keep this a secret. You've already lost Allie and Katie as friends. Do you want everyone in Morro Bay to hate you?" He doesn't care about anyone but himself. My heart aches for Caris.

"You're going to start your marriage with a lie. Bet that will lead to a happy life. You're pathetic." I tell him.

He laughs and gives an me attitude. "I'm not the one hiding in Iowa because I had a fling with my best friend's boyfriend."

"This is as much your problem as it is mine."

"Not really. You see I'm going to the beach tonight to hang out with everyone and pretend this never happened. You still have to deal with everything after we hang up."

"You are a selfish coldhearted jerk." I yell.

"Am I? At least I'm not as pathetic as you."

Staring at the door to the NICU, I decide this is for the best. "I'll ask the social worker to get in contact with you." I knew this was coming, but I didn't expect it to hurt so much. It simplifies things, but it also means I can never be friends with the people from home again.

"I mean it, Maddie. Don't tell anyone about this." He threatens.

"I don't have the energy to fight with you. Caris is having surgery today, so you can have things your way, it's your loss." I want to swear at him, but I don't.

From across the NICU, I can see Uncle David holding Aunt Beth, as she weeps into his shoulder. Breaking into a run, I stop in front of them. Shaking, I ask. "Is she...is she gone?"

Aunt Beth steps back from Uncle David, looking at me with grave eyes. "Her heart stopped, but they were able to get it started again. The procedure is done, but she is not coming off the anesthetic well, so they are going to have to keep her in a coma until they get things under control."

"She's still alive?" I cry.

"Yes. The next 24 hours are critical. If she makes it through, her chances of survival are much better." Aunt Beth's bloodshot eyes and her disheveled hair are signs of too many days without sleep.

Feeling sorry for her, I ask, "Do you want to go home and get some sleep? I know you've been pulling most of the weight through all of this."

"I...I couldn't leave. I need to be here for you and for her. I'm tired, but I couldn't sleep even if I wanted to. I'll be okay." She says, her voice shaky as she sits down on the couch. Uncle David sits next to her.

He says to me, "We're in this together. The best thing we can do is pray for a miracle."

Aunt Beth pats his leg, giving him an adoring look. Turning to me, she asks, "How did your conversation with Xavier go?"

"I didn't expect it to go the way it did, so dismissive and uncaring. I feel like I've failed as a mother so many times already." Taking a moment to think, I add, "He plans to sign off his rights, which should be a relief, but I feel sad for Caris. At least Will wanted her in his life."

"I'm sorry to hear that." Is all she says.

"He threatened that if I tell anyone, he'll ruin me." I let out a strangled sob.

"If I may." Uncle David's voice is gentle. "You can't let his threats control you. He doesn't have the right to ask you to keep it a secret. Lies make life spiral out of control..." He stops.

"You mean more than it already is." I laugh callously.

"He doesn't have the power to ruin you. He can't change God's plans for your life, not unless you let him. If you lose friends over this, then they weren't your real friends anyway. He may choose to lie to everyone about this situation, but you love your daughter too much to do that to her... To start her life off with a lie."

It wouldn't be fair to her to create a fake father. That would protect me and harm her. My dad protected me, and I'll do the same for her.

The truth will have consequences, but I'm willing to take them. Ready to move forward, with no more lies or secrets. I'll be the best person I can be to make my daughter proud. Something deep inside me knows she'll live and grow to be a strong healthy little girl.

Sighing, I say, "I may lose all my friends back home, but I know I have friends who love me here. My mom will be mad at me for a while, but she'll get over it too. The distance between us should help."

Uncle David folds his hands, resting them on his chin. "I'm not going to pretend this will be easy. I suspect you'll want to give up or turn back to your old life. If you hold onto Jesus, he'll pull you through."

"I'm afraid to leave here. I don't know how to take care of a baby." Guilt waves over me, for being so unprepared.

"You won't have to do it alone. I'll learn with you. We can do it together." Aunt Beth smiles through her tears. "You know that little girl will have David wrapped around her finger."

Barely able to speak, "Thank you."