Hard To Say GoodBye

GOODBYE MY HOPE

Nothing was same in BTS dorm. Everything was so peaceful, the peace before a storm. The Hyungs asked the maknaes why they left but they simply answered that taehyung wasn't feeling well that's why. Jin didn't had any slight idea what was about happen. He was happy that he knew answers to his questions. He wanted to see taehyung but Jimin asked him to not disturb him as he is still not feeling well.

On the other hand, Tae asked everyone to leave him alone and not disturb him even Jimin. Jimin wanted to help but he can't, not now when Tae doesn't want him too. He know how stubborn his friend is.

Tae sat on the side of window, head resting on the wall, looking outside. He couldn't shake the past night memories from his eyes. His tears had dried long ago but the damn pain doesn't leave his heart.

He remembers his first interaction with Jin when he came to company. How Jin asked him to impress him and how he got embarassed after dancing. But Jin was so supporting to him, even though no one understood him. But when he and Jin realized that they have same hobbies, they became close. Jin made him feel protected and he made sure that he listens to Jin.

Seduce me. Jin once said when they were filming "RUN". How he tried to impress Jin. And his and Jin's small but powerful fight to get the cameraman. He and Jin had laughed the whole night seeing the video.

You still look handsome. Jin said to him when he cut his hairs while filming "Danger". He felt so bad but Jin said to him that he still looks handsome when others were teasing him and making fun of him. Once Jin said that, he didn't cared about others.

You'll be fine VV. Jin said to him when Tae got the acting offer. Tae didn't wanted to do it because it was Jin's dream to act but Jin supported him and said he will be cheering for him.

I am here for you. Calm down baby. I'll be here for you. I'll be with you always. Jin said to him when he get to know about his grandma. He couldn't go back home and he felt hurt. Jin held him and kept repeating those words until he fell sleep. He cried his heart out to Jin's chest and Jin let him. All the boys held him close till he over came the pain. They were his biggest support system.

If you are going to break down who's gonna take care of him said Jin when Jimin fainted in practice after not eating properly.

You are precious to me taehyungie, Jin said to him when they had a fight during Wings tour. Both got hurt but they overcame the pain and became closer to each other. They spent nights with each other looking at skies and talking about future and their dreams.

It's not much but I wanted to give it to you. I saw it and my heart just said that it will look beautiful on your wrists. It's just a promise that I will be there for you Jin said to him on his birthday and gave him the interlocking bracelet. I want to think about these feeling, Will you wait for me taehyungie? Jin asked him and he said Yes. The flower of hope bloomed in his heart.

Hope that was it, that was the only thing that kept him going for years, that kept him waiting for an answer for so long. In the beginning, he didn't knew where these feelings will lead him but when Jin asked him to wait, he hoped for something good. And he waited, he waited for so long but never said anything, hoping for something good. But it was all a lie, an illusion. It was fake. 5 years, he spent five years of his life loving the man who never loved him back. Because he never loved him. There was no love to start with. It was only from his side.

But that was enough. He had spent enough years to wait for something that wasn't there. His hope had died just like dead leaves. Dead leaves may stay on tree but they had to fall down one day because their time had passed and new leaves had to take their place. His Love was dead long ago but he was hoping, a dead hope that maybe Jin would love him back. But there is no reason to hope about something that wasn't there.

So he is doing it. He is letting him go. He is letting his hope go. He is letting his love go. It's not easy to let go of something, in his case someone, who are precious to you. But sometime you had to let go or you'll fall down. It was always HARD TO SAY GOODBYE but he had to and he will, if he had to find his happiness.

Tae smiled sadly one last time looking at the bracelet in his hand and opens it detaching it from his wrist. He looks at the bracelet, the symbol of that hope, a tear escapes his eyes. He opens his hand and tilts it to let the bracelet fall. His eyes look toward the setting sun and he smiles, hoping the sun will take his pain away and a new Sun will rise with new hopes. His wrist feels empty. He is wearing other bracelets too but it feels empty as if his wrist is used to that particular feeling. But he has to get used to these things, he can only move when he let go of past.