Not What You Wanted • Ben Solo | Kylo Ren

Learning

He was convinced he had tried everything. Ben had tried every single method he could think of to try and help him fall asleep, but not a single one worked. 

Years ago when he had trouble managing his temper, he'd look up all kinds of ways to slow his breathing or come down from an anger high. The stupid things that came up on Google usually never did a thing for him and right now it felt like he was right back there... like he was Kylo. 

He so badly wanted to forget everything and just fall asleep. Go to bed without a care in the world for what's been bothering him but it wasn't granted to him.

Thinking and focusing on the girl sleeping in his arms didn't work. 

Counting his breaths didn't work.

Inhaling through his nose and exhaling through his mouth didn't work.

Thinking of literally any other fucking thing than the texts he received didn't work.

Everything had been going so well with Rey that he hadn't taken the time to consider what his foes could be up to. 

The last time Ben heard from Bazine was the infamous night where she ruined him and Rey's first date over a month ago. He had mostly forgotten about her with everything happening in his relationship and he wasn't complaining at all. Nothing could ever convince him to lay eyes on her severely tanned skin or hear her high-pitched ring of a voice again.

Bazine didn't scare him, she never did. But the messages Ben had been getting for the past 24 hours from her did. 

He tried to drown them out. To focus on the girl of his dreams he was vacationing with and let all of his worries wash away. Somehow though it wasn't that simple. Every time he'd forget, another one would roll through. It was the occasional threat; her threatening to come back and force him to return to L.A or taking down RESISTANCE. 

The one that she sent just before bed a few hours ago though, was the worst and frankly terrified and enraged Ben.

Threatening to send Snoke.

The reminder sent a chill through his body and he physically shook and immediately winced in hope that it wouldn't wake Rey who was currently snuggled into his side. Ben so badly wanted to confide in Rey and have her tell him that it was nothing to worry about and everything would be okay. She deserved to know after being there for him for so long, but he didn't want this to concern her or ruin her vacation which (now he knew) was her precious time away from her workplace.

She had so much happening in her own life that it wouldn't be fair to push all of his issues onto her.  And perhaps Bazine was bluffing; she was known for it and quite good at it as well. She could fool many people and Ben wouldn't fall victim to one of her tricks. 

Rey stirred next to him to which Ben responded by tightening his arms around her and pressing a wet kiss to her forehead. He'd try his absolute best not to let his worries show or get in the way of their time away from everything together. If not for himself then he'd do it for her. 

It wasn't a surprise though, for her he'd do just about anything.

———

The deafening sound of her alarm woke Rey slowly but surely. She peeled her eyes open and looked up to see Ben already awake. He wasn't looking at her, but staring into nothing on the wall opposite their bed.

Something was off about him and she knew it. There were random times throughout the past day where she'd look at him and see his face in a state of blankness, eyes completely dull and when she'd call his name he'd light up again and try to forget about whatever was bothering him.