What if...

The Feather

*Peter POV*

"I'm so sorry Peter this is all my fault." Loki said solemnly. The sound of his voice pulling me from whatever shock, grief trans I was in. "I- what do you mean this is your fault, we were upstairs there's nothing you could have done." I was able to spit out between sobs. I didn't know what else to do. My chest felt this empty pain that was gnawing me, climbing up my throat leaving it raw. It felt like I was choking. I wanted nothing more than to fall into Loki's arms for comfort, but when I looked at him I was shocked. I'd never seen Loki like this before, he was on the floor, shoulders slumped in defeat, and he had tears running down his face. "The raven, it was on the roof. Ravens are messengers of Odin, I should have known but I was too distracted by-" Loki whispered the last part right before cutting himself off but it was just loud enough for me to hear. Infuriated, and hurt I snapped at Loki yelling at him "By what Loki, by me. By your stupid pride and magic. You gave your psychotic father a direct pathway to us. Practically held up a billboard 'HEY WE'RE DOWN HERE', IT'S ALMOST LIKE YOU WANTED HIM TO KILL THE ONLY FATHER FIGURE I HAD LEFT!" Shaking with my pain and fury I looked back to see Loki wince a little with a flash of guilt crossing his face before setting his face back to stone. Any trace of hurt, or grief gone in an instant as he slowly stood from his seated position. His face betrayed no emotion as he fixed his posture and said in a cool but quiet tone "I loved him too you know... I'll be gone by tomorrow morning, that way you won't have to deal with me messing anything else up." He walked away toward our door and I was left there standing over Uncle Ben's body, Aunt May lay attached at his side staring off to nothing. I heard a small voice telling me to call out to Loki No. I didn't mean it. Please Loki, don't go. I need you. But it was quickly drowned out by my pure hot rage. Aunt May was clearly in shock so, for the first time since I saw... his... body I walked away. I walked into the kitchen and dialed 911, for what I wasn't quite sure. I don't think they have a secret agency in the government dedicated to the unusual like gods, or super powered.

True enough to his words when I woke up the next morning Loki was nowhere to be found. I felt a pang as I looked at his bed, made as if no one had slept there in months, and our closet door opened full of only my clothes. Good riddance. I heard a snarky voice in my head say, and yet I still felt a little uneasy and pained by his sudden disappearance. Aw look at poor baby Peter. First his parents leave him. Then his closest father figure. And where's his little boy toy? Oh yeah, gone too. The nasty voice geared toward Loki, now spitting insults at me. Instead of fighting it I decided to give in, I had every right to be pissed off. Loki led the king god to poor Uncle Ben, who Loki just HAPPENED to disguise as a decoy him. Coincidence? I think not.

Aunt May didn't say much that day. Or any of the following days. She just sat there on the couch, head looking out to the blood stain where Uncle Ben's body layed not too long ago. A blank expression on her face, and her eyes far away as if living in her own world with Uncle Ben. Dancing the long days away to their favorite song. Until about a week or so after his death I could hear humming from the kitchen. Not a moment later my door opened and there stood Aunt May, apron over dress, and a smile plastered on her face. "Boys, time for breakfast!" she said cheerfully "Boys? Peter where's Loki? Did he go down to the store with Ben?" her eyes filled with curiosity as she looked around without a sign of Loki. Seeing her like this broke my heart, I didn't have it in me to break it to her so I smiled best I could, tears brimming my eyes "Yeah Aunt May, they went to the store. They'll be back any minute, why don't you go lay down and get some rest." She looked at me, her face clouded with confusion and she looked as if she couldn't quite remember something. I led her by her arm back into her room, and returned to my own. I laid in Loki's bed, looking up to where he carved his name into the wood under my bed. A rush of tears came spilling out, and I could do nothing but roll over sob quietly to the pillow that still held traces of Loki's scent. I had been holding on so desperately to this rage at Loki, to keep the pain of Uncle Ben's death and Loki leaving at bay, but truth be told I missed him. I missed him with every fiber in my body. This anger I held for him was severely misplaced, Odin was the one who put a knife in my Uncle, not Loki. Odin was the one who tracked down Loki in an attempt to kill him. Poor Loki had even tried to leave to save us, but we were the ones who selfishly asked him to stay. No. Loki didn't deserve my wrath. Odin does.

I let myself cry a little longer, to mourn over everything and everyone I'd lost before I finally managed to pull out my phone. With a bit of hesitation I dialed Loki's number, which immediately sent me to voicemail "I am Loki of As- as- asshole town? Leave a message or whatever." If his phone had sent me straight to voicemail there was no point in trying to leave him a message. It likely meant he didn't want to talk to me, or he had thrown it off a building top. Loki never was a fan of phones. I put on my suit with a small feeling of sadness as I remembered the kind hands who sewed it for me, but a new found determination pushing me through the window. I must have searched the city for hours, but still found no sign of Loki. Where could he have gone? He didn't exactly have money for bus tickets. Maybe he got hit by another family and caught a ride? I had one last idea before calling mission failure. I climbed up to the roof where most of the pillows, candles, and my telescope still were. Oddly enough though the blanket was missing, it must have flown away or something. I walked to the edge of the building and shouted out "Loki! Loki! I don't know if you're out there! Or if you even care. It wasn't your fault. I was an idiot and you deserved so much more, I'M SORRY!" and with that I turned around, closed my eyes and took the swan dive backwards off the building. Before I could even feel my feet leave the rooftop I could feel one hand gripat my shirt, and the other catch me at my lower back. I opened my eyes to see Loki panting and he was shaking, from fear or maybe anger I wasn't quite sure. All I knew was that the tension between us seemed to last an eternity before I pulled myself into his arms, I buried my head into his chest, the tears back again as I felt him embrace me and I said "I missed you."