What if...

The Nightmares

*Peter's POV*

We did not in fact talk about it. No, instead Loki cried in my arms for about 5 minutes, pushed me away, and continued on his day as if nothing had happened. Although I could see him steal worried glances at my arm when he thought I wasn't looking. I tried to talk to him about it a couple times but every time I brought it up he would ignore me, or deflect onto some other question. It wasn't until I woke up in the middle of the night to harsh scratching noises and quiet but aggressive shouts from Loki. I climbed down to once again see Loki grasping his knife swinging at an unseen enemy, and totally destroying the woodwork of the bunk bed. "Loki. Loki!" I whisper yelled trying to wake him without waking May. He snapped awake and in a defensive position he had the knife at my throat within seconds. "Who are you" he demanded with an insanity in his eyes. Loki has completely lost it, losing Ben was his last straw. It pained me to see how broken he was. I raised my hands trying to look as non threatening as possible. Loki tottered on his feet for a second, as if he was still debating slitting my throat but soon after dropped the knife and turned to walk away. I caught his arm, he tried to pull away but I only gripped harder. "Damn you and your stupid super strength. Release me from your grip you hooligan" He muttered, clearly irritated and once again trying desperately to avoid the topic at hand. "No Loki, we're gonna talk about it." I told him dragging him to the bed "I'd rather die!" he said, and no sooner a puff of magic blinded me and I let go of his arm to wipe my eyes. When I could see again Loki was halfway out the door, so I did the only thing any sane person would do. I shot my webs at his feet and dragged his ass back in.

Once I secured him up, and he had no way of escape I began again "Now. Tell me what's going on with you!". Loki was still struggling against my webs, but his efforts were useless because I had also pinned him to the ground. "What's up with me? YOU'RE THE ONE WHO FULL FLEDGE ATTACKED ME IN MY OWN ROOM. I'M QUITE LITERALLY A FLY CAUGHT IN THE SPIDER'S WEB!" he yelled in frustration to me. "YOU LEFT ME NO CHOICE LOKI! WHY WON'T YOU LET ME IN?" I could feel tears beginning to brim my eyes, and Loki just looked at me with shock. "Peter I-" he began, but I crawled off him and onto his bed. I tucked my knees into my chest as I let out what I hadn't realized I'd been holding in. "Ben is dead. May is living in her own delirious world. All I have left is you, Loki. But I guess not anymore. You're cutting me out, growing distant. I don't want to lose you too Loki. I can't lose you." I let my head fall into my arms and let out a single tear before re-grounding myself and standing up again. All that pain was gone now replaced with frustration, frustration because he wouldn't let me in. Towering over him I demanded "So you're gonna let me in Loki or so help me god I will beat it out of you." Loki's demeanor had changed though. His eyes were softer and he responded in his usual caring tone "Ok, ok. Can we please remove the webs from the equation beforehand?" He's finally agreeing to open up. I could feel myself relax so I quipped back "I don't know I kind of like the sight you tied up." before breaking the webs.

An hour. It took an hour for Loki to describe his array of night terrors. Each one with different faces, different stories, but all ending in death and betrayal. Hearing the pain in Loki's voice when he told the ending with his mother, it nearly brought me to tears. I hadn't realized how deeply Ben's death had affected him. Here I've been all selfish, only thinking about myself and my pain. Meanwhile Loki's been shouldering the burden of two. Caring for me, and helping me heal while he's been dealing with a whole trauma of his own. I mean it wasn't too long ago his father called him a monster, and his brother tried to kill him. Now? Now he's lost Ben who was basically the father Odin never was. "Loki, I'm so sorry. I should have been there for you. I know how much Uncle Ben meant to you." Loki looked at me, let out a trembling sigh, and leaned into me. I wrapped my arms around him and we sat there for what felt like an eternity. "Peter I'm sorry he's gone." Loki said into my shirt. "Hey," I said, pulling him out of the embrace "None of this is your fault. You weren't the one who put a knife through Uncle Ben. You weren't the one who decided it was easier to live in their own fantasy world then to help her children through a great time of loss. And you weren't the one who told the boy they loved to leave." I said that last part, filled with regret and embarrassment for my reaction. I turned my head down, I could look him in the eye. Loki reached under my chin and gently brought my face back up to his. His eyes were so deep, filled with a million sparks of pain, but looked so concerned and caring. Being here, with him, looking into his eyes I couldn't help but feel safe. "The boy you loved?" He asked his hand traveling up from my chin to my cheek. I closed my eyes, leaned into his hand and just took a moment to savor the warmth it brought to me. I moved my hands to cover his, opened my eyes and said "It's you Loki. I love you." I had been so focused on MJ, and being spiderman I never even realized I was falling. Not until he left and I hit the floor. Even when he came back I thought it was more of a brotherly love. But being here with him, so close. I know it with all of my heart, he is the one I want to be with. Loki didn't say anything, his eyes just looked intently at me as if searching for the words to say. My anxiety at his silence began to rise so I did the only thing I could think of. I leaned forward and kissed him, and to my surprise he kissed me back.