Lovesick Chamber

19

R18 (Mature Content Ahead)

Things are smoothly transitioning. All those times na nagmumukmok ako...lahat iyon napalitan ng saya at kilig.

Sai has been so sweet more than ever. Kahit na busy siya sa residency and case studies niya...he would always make time for me. Kulang na lang dito siya tumira sa condo ko. Kapag wala siyang duty or RD niya dito na siya tumatambay. May mga damit na nga siya dito. Iniiwan niya yata ng sadya.

One night. Schedule ng therapy ko. I took with me a small bag with my phone, license and wallet. I'll be meeting my therapist at a coffee shop. Nagreserve daw kasi siya ng exclusive room doon. When I stepped in nakita ko si Mama kausap ang therapist ko. Napakunot ang noo ko.

"What's up Doc? Bakit nandito si Mama? Hindi ako naorient na may iba tayong kasama for my session today..." sabi ko sa kanya na hindi pa lumalapit o umuupo. At the back of my head, I know what this is all about. I know na at some point I had to face issues that I've tried so hard to avoid.

"Take your seat Miss Cornelia. I'll have to say something first.."

I took my seat and looked intently at the therapist.

"I am not forcing you to face this now. I just wanted to try if you can face her and talk to her...Naexplain ko na sa mama mo kung bakit ko siya pinapunta. You can step out if you don't want to..."

Nakatitig ako sa kawalan...I was thinking kung kaya ko na ba.... I know what my therapist is trying to do and I know this can truly help me....pero hindi ko pa alam kung handa ba ako...I wasn't able to prepare myself....

But no one is ever ready for confrontations. Nobody is ever ready to face their fears or even their anger. I took a deep breath, looked at the place..."wala naman sigurong makakarinig sa atin no?" I asked.

"Wala...I hold sessions here sometimes...kaibigan ko rin ang may-ari and he assured me that the place is safe for these kinds of things..." he said assuringly.

I nodded.

"Should I leave so you two can talk?" he said and stood up.

"Don't Doc...please stay here with me..." sabi ko sa kanya. Umupo siya ulit and we started the session.

Matagal-tagal natapos ang usapang 'yon. It started with me getting all angry and ended awkwardly. I hissed and shouted and mostly cried. It was all awkward yet after all those ruckus I felt much better.

The relationship I had with my mother is far from good and after the confrontation...I know it didn't really get better but it cleared the air between us. I'm not really sure if I'd want a better relationship with her...I'm just content with the kind of relationship I have with her – an amicable relationship is better than hatred and disgust.

After a few weeks into therapy, It felt like I was better.

"So how are you Miss Cornelia? Do you still have panic attacks or any anxiety?"

"I haven't had any for a long time now Doc. My boyfriend knows how to take care of me..."

"Does he know how to handle your conditions now?"

"Yes Doc...he's such a good boyfriend...he's a psychiatrist too so alam na alam niya how to take care of me..."

"Good to hear Miss Cornelia...do you have anything to say or ask?"

"I'm all good Doc...thanks to you."

"From the records I have... you're better na Miss Cornelia. Just always take good care of yourself and you won't have anxiety and panic attacks anymore..."