Lovesick Chamber

04

Hindi pa rin ako makapaniwala.

WHAT IN THE WORLD?? BAKIT BA ANG DAMING BUMABALIK SA BUHAY KO NGAYON? THIS IS BAD!!!!

I have a strong feeling na hindi magiging maganda ang mga susunod na mangyayari. I know for sure. Naiimagine ko na...na parang sine na tumatakbo sa utak ko.

*FLASHBACK*

"I love you, Danica. Will you be my girlfriend?" tanong sa akin ni Oliver habang kumakain kami ng dinner sa Tops. I was speechless but I felt a tingle in my belly. Butterflies all over it. KILIG NA KILIG AKO.

"Are you sure?" I responded. I was smiling pero hindi ko alam kung ano ang dapat kong gawin.

"What do you mean? I've been with you for a year. I've known you long enough to just date. I want us to be official. I love you and I want you to be my girlfriend" sincerity all over his face.

"I am different...you know about my anxiety attacks and my mental health di ba? You know I've been struggling right? Are you sure you're okay with me?" sabi ko sa kanya doubt all over my face.

"I know everything. I've been with you. I will be with you through everything, I promise." He said and smiled. He grabbed my hand and kissed it. "I won't get tired of you I promise."

That's all I needed to hear.

*FLASHBACK PT 2*

"Mahal kita Danica...alam mo 'yan! Pero hindi na kita maintindihan. Hindi ko na kayang intindihin ka. Ang hirap mong pakisamahan sobra...ang hirap mong mahalin. Hindi ko alam kung mahal mo rin ba ako?" may hinanakit na sabi ni Oliver sa akin.

"You've been selfish. 2 years Dani. 2 years akong nagtiis. You never cared for me. Ako lang lagi. Ako lang nag-aadjust. Ako lang nagsosorry. Ako lang nagmamakaawa. Ako lang lagi ang may kasalanan." Sabi pa niya.

"You know what?! I'm breaking up with you! Sana maintindihan mo kung bakit hindi ko na kayang ipagpatuloy ang relasyon na ito...I'm tired." dagdag pa niya.

I couldn't say anything. Hindi ko alam ang sasabihin ko. Mahal ko si Oliver. I love him so much. He was the only one na binigyan ko ng chance. Sinabi ko sa kanya lahat. Pinaintindi ko sa kanya lahat. Pinaliwanag ko sa kanya lahat. I trusted him so much. Anong nangyari? Bakit ganito siya? Akala ko ba mahal niya ako? Akala ko hindi siya magsasawa?

I wasn't able to confront him that day. Wala akong nasabi sa kanya. Hindi ako makapagsalita. I wasn't crying pero hindi ko rin alam kung anong nararamdaman ko. I felt numb.

It was all my fault in the end.

A week before the breakup, I've been told by so many people na niloloko na niya ako. He was seeing someone else. Nakita siya nina Don and Cams sa sinehan na may kaholding hands. Nasa bar siya nang makita siya ng pinsan ko na may kahalikang iba and one time sinuntok siya ni Zeke dahil niloloko daw ako. Hindi sinabi sa akin ni Zeke what happened or what he saw basta si Aki na ang nagsabi na nagsuntukan sila ni Oliver. That happened in one heck of a week while I was busy with my graduation requirements.

I didn't believe them.

It was on Saturday when he texted me that he wanted to talk. I wasn't ready to confront him pero I needed to see him.

We lasted 2 years and he ended it just like that. We had fights. I've always been aloof and alone. Kapag galit ako I try to isolate mysel f. Hindi ko siya nirereplyan. Hindi rin ako nagpaparamdam. He was always so understanding. Hindi siya nagcocomplain. Pinapabayaan niya ko for days and then kapag feeling niya I've had enough time to sulk he just appears with chocolates if not flowers or teddy bears.