Lovesick Chamber

12

I sat beside her. I felt the weight of her pain....I hugged her...tightly. Hindi ko siya pinakawalan...hindi rin ako nagsalita. I just hugged her.
"You need to eat...kumain ka Hon...I don't want to see you like this.." sabi ko sa kanya. She stared at me. Inalalayan ko siyang tumayo para pumunta sa kusina. I let her sit and prepared food – light food. Buti na lang at kumain siya. She was chewing the last piece when I spoke."I know you want to ask me questions..." Uminom siya ng tubig and looked at me...nakikita ko sa mga mata niya na marami siyang tanong pero pinipigilan niya."Where have you been?" this was her first question..."Nagstay kami for a week in Carcar. I needed to observe the patient closely. I texted and called you pero hindi ka sumasagot....I wanted to come back and check up on you but I had to proceed with the case study. Kasama ko kasi ang prof namin and I had to stay" I explained.She nodded. "What happened to you?" I asked her."Pumunta dito si Oliver" she said straight away.Nanlaki ang mga mata ko and got extra worried."Did he do something to you? I'm sorry Dan...I wasn't here to protect you" I felt guilty. Hindi ko alam kung kaya ko pa siyang tingnan sa mata. I felt ashamed of myself and I got scared. What did Oliver say to her?"I didn't know Alexa was your ex." she said with a poker face. She paused. A very long one... I didn't know how to respond. It felt like our relationship is breaking and I wasn't ready for this...I didn't want to affect it with the issues I needed to deal..."Can I really trust you, Sai?" she asked...now she started to cry. I felt a sting of pain in my chest...I know where this is heading..."Can't you really trust me, Dan?" she looked at me. I can feel her pain. "I did and I still want to...but after what Oliver said...I just can't seem to find it easy to trust you..." With just that I felt the tears falling down...Hindi ko gustong umiyak pero hindi ko kaya... I've sacrified a lot for this woman only to end up in this position."Sinadya mo ba na mabili ang katabing condo?" she continued...I didn't know how to answer that. "Did you accept the school's offer because I work there?" I nodded."Did you intend to keep from me na ex mo si Alexa?"I shaked my head. Of course not. I just don't think na necessary pa na malaman niya ang ganoong bagay... I didn't want her to feel uneasy especially because she has trust issues. *FLASHBACK*I was in my second year sa Med School when I met Danica Laura Cornelia. "Hoy Sai...baka naman gusto mo munang magkagirlfriend...May ipapakilala ako sa'yo" sabi ni Cams one night sa isang coffee shop sa IT"I don't really have time for that....kaya huwag mo kong guluhin Cams.""Sige sabihin mo sa akin 'yan after seeing this..."Pinakita niya sa akin ang picture. The lady was cute and charming. Sa itsura pa lang alam mo nang mabait. She looked sweet and innocent pero fierce din. "This is Danica... ipapakilala kita...""I don't have time for that...I need to focus Cams...alam mo naman na I have to finish my Med school...I don't want distractors" She shrugged. Hindi ko na siya maalis sa utak ko. I couldn't focus sa study ko so I stalked her through facebook and IG... hindi siya laging nagpopost. Mostly tagged photos lang ang meron siya. Sa IG niya naman eh minsan lang talaga...most of her pics are from her travels. I followed her sa IG. She accepted din naman. I smiled. Nakikita ko stories niya and most of it ay kasama si Cams. Saturday night nagtext si Cams*Sai! Punta ka sa condo ko...it's my birthday...magdala ka ng gift ha? Kahit wine or cake okay na ko doon...punta ka dito dali!!!"Ganyan talaga si Cams. Demanding. Lagi siyang nangungulit. Hindi ka niya titigilan ang hangga't hindi niya nakukuha ang gusto niya...I checked on my IG and saw Cams' story. I saw her. Kinuha ko gamit ko and went out. Bumili ako ng chocolate mousse cake and went straight to Cam's condo.Nagdoorbell ako and I was trying to fix my hair when the door opened and I saw her. She is really pretty. Napatulala ako.She smiled and called Cams."Hoy Sai! Naglalaway ka diyan" sabi pa ni Cams sabay hampas sa akin. I smiled awkwardly. "Ba't di ka nagpagwapo?" dagdag pa niya and sheepishly smiled."Danica Laura....this is Simon Aizen Blanco...Sai na lang itawag mo sa kanya..." she said playfully smiling. "He's going to be a doctor....ayeee bagay kayo...." She added.The girl smiled...na awkward yata... I smiled and reached for her hand bago pumasok. Hindi ko na naabutan ang friends nila. There were only 4 girls and 2 guys. Hindi ako mahilig makipagsocialize so nagstay ako sa veranda because no one was there. I didn't know anyone...I was about to leave nang hatakin ni Cams si Dani papunta sa akin. We talked. Hindi na siya na awkward. Buong gabi kaming nag-usap and that is when I decided na liligawan ko siya. After about three months...niligawan ko siya. Naghanap pa ako ng tiempo and I wanted to make sure na gusto ko na talaga siya. She didn't really reject me at first pero wala rin siyang sinasabi. We've had a lot of encounters. Pinakilala na niya ako sa Mama niya and she also introduced me to her friends. Kapag magkasama kami she would always tell me how untidy I was."Hindi ka ba marunong pumorma? You look so untidy." She would comment. I didn't mind all her remarks kasi I was not the type to get emotional especially on things na totoo. I've seen her have anxiety attacks. Minsan natutulungan ko siya... habang tumatagal ay lalo akong nahuhulog sa kanya. I wanted to be someone she can rely on...someone who can help her. It's obvious....na may problema siya...but she found It awkward for me to help. Gusto kong ako ang makatulong sa kanya. 2 years na yata since nagkakilala kami and it's been more than a year since niligawan ko siya. I was about to ask her if she'd give me a chance nang makita ko ang picture sa isang insta post... It was Oliver. Kaibigan ko... the one who stole my girl away. Traydor na kaibigan. Hindi man lang nagpasintabi. Kaya pala nakipagbreak si Alexa dahil sa kanya. I was so bitter back then but I was too busy to sulk. One night. Magtotwo years na akong nanliligaw. She invited me out. I was also about to tell her na aalis ako to go abroad. I'd be gone for 4 years...I applied for Psychiatry Residency sa New Zealand and I was accepted. "Aalis ka di ba?" deretsahang tanong niya after our dinner. "I heard it from Cams" she added.I was stunned...hindi ko alam kung paano magrespond."I don't like long distance...and I don't know if I can trust..."Alam ko na...she will reject me. "Hindi ko kayang magtiwala Sai...lalo na sa mga taong hindi ko nakikita..." I just nodded. After that night hindi na niya ako nirereplyan. She wouldn't even answer my calls. 5 years akong nawala pero hindi ko siya nakalimutan. I stalked her IG every now and then. Hindi pa sana ako uuwi ng Cebu because I was offered to pursue a specialization but I received a call from Tomi's mother and it changed my decision. "Sai...I've heard from your Mom na uuwi ka daw this year...baka naman I can ask a favor?" sabi niya nang walang pag-aatubili. "I know you're still in love with her...and as a mom I really want what's best for her....can you help her overcome her anxiety? You're a psychiatrist and I can only trust you for her..." Sinabi sa akin ng Mama niya lahat ng details tungkol kay Dani...and at that moment naintindihan ko lahat. I wanted to help her and be with her....baka I'll have a chance with her...I'm still in love with her....Umuwi ako...everything was arranged. Tinulungan ako ni Cams na makahanap ng condo but she didn't tell me it was beside Dani's ang sabi niya lang eh magkapareho kami ng condo building. Ang family ko din ang nag-arrange ng clinic ko sa CDUH. I complied with all requirements. It has only been a few days when Dani's mom called me again. She booked a session for Dani. Bigla akong kinabahan. Bukas na ang kanyang schedule and I didn't even know what to say....I saw her step in my office. I was stunned. Mas lalo lang siyang gumanda. She paused....parang natulala...nakilala kaya niya ako? She's obviously blushing. I smiled."Hi Doc. Can I cancel my appointment?" She was a bit awkward...pareho noong una naming magkita. Hindi niya ako nakilala. I was about to give her a bouquet dahil alam kong birthday niya today...nang bigla siyang umalis. She was my last patient. Dali-dali ko siyang sinundan pero hindi ko na naabutan. Buti na lang nagstory si Cams kaya nalaman ko where she was headed. Dumating ako sa Gibbs but she was already with her friends. I don't want to intrude lalo na't baka maawkward lang kami. Nandoon pa naman si Cams.....so I asked a boy outside to give the bouquet to her and I left. Nakita ko si Alexa that night and I walked away...hindi ko kayang makipagbatian sa kanya.