Heart Desires (Rosewood Chronicles Jottie Fanfic)

Another bonus episode i guess? (Angst?) Part 1

I am so sorry guys for all these bonus episodes.... I guess I'm feeling a little down and all these ideas came to me..

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What would happen if Jamie rejected Lottie's confession but realized his feelings far too late?

TW: Major death character, self harm

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"I-I like you, Jamie...I know a relationship is forbidden between a Portman and a Partizan but...I guess I can't stop liking you." Lottie said, looking down. Jamie stood in front of her in disbelief. He doesn't know what to say. Why would Lottie even like him? He couldn't believe what she just said. "This is not a joke Lottie. Stop playing around." he said. "It's not! I'm not playing around! This feeling I have towards you is genuine. So please...tell me if you can accept my confession or not." Lottie said, her eyes shut tight. Jamie tried to word it nicely. As nicely as he could but the words that came out from his mouth sounded cold. It felt as if someone had shot an arrow right through her heart. "Throw away this feeling. I can't accept it. Stop liking me and avoid all this romantic things and whatnot." he said, his hand on the blonde girl's shoulder.

Lottie wanted the ground to swallow her up. Tears frosted her eyes as she looked up. "I-I...I will. I'm sorry for wasting your time with my stupid confession. I guess I'll be going now." she smiled and calmly walk away, praying Jamie won't see how her body was shaking so bad. Her legs felt so heavy, each step like a burden. She just got downright rejected. Again. Is it her curse? Where she will not be able to be loved? Her chest tightened as she replayed what happened. She felt so foolish into thinking that Jamie actually liked her back. But how could she not when she was the only person who he actually trusted. He was so nice to her but maybe..maybe she misunderstood his actions for something else. Why did all these events happened to her? The sealed wound in her heart was ripped opened once again. She clutched the doorknob of room 221 tightly, hoping Ellie wasn't there.

She wasn't. She sighed in relief and face planted into her bed and let the tears fall. Soon, the tears couldn't be stopped. Why did she fall for him? For him, of all people. Was she just not good enough? She wondered if it was her who was the problem. She went to the bathroom to see her reflection. She was ugly. Maybe that's just it. Maybe she was just...disgusting. That was all she thought. All those insecurities which she'd fought and won over came roaring back. Her breathing was shallow. It hurts. Everything hurts. Why was she so stupid to even confess in the first place? She stared back at those swollen eyes. She looked so fat. Urgh...NO wonder Jamie didn't like her. 'I'll cut down my food intake' she concluded. As days went by, it was quite visible that she was not eating. "Lottie..Are you sure you're eating enough?" Ellie asked, concerned. "Yes, Ellie. I'm sure. I'm not even that hungry anyways." she smiled before locking herself in the bathroom. Those dark circles under her eyes were so noticeable, her skin as pale as ever, her lips were dry. She licked her lips and sighed. She looked over to the drawer and her shaky hand opened it.

She took a shiny razor out and placed it on her arm. She squeezed her eyes shut as she pushed the razor in. The cut she made wasn't so deep but it was deep enough to draw out blood. Yes, it hurt more than a graze over falling off a bike. It's pain was a slight bit haunting near the end. The blood was a relief to her pain and heartache when it flowed out of her system like water. The cries of help in her mind vanished for a while. It was all blank. Regaining consciousness when you're already conscious? That's the closest thing to explain what she felt. A waft of emptiness drowned her sore eyes. She started to repeat it over and over again until all the knots in her chest were untied. The markings were red and uncountable, but it made her feel somewhat... relieved with all the pain. She put it under the gushing water from the tap and she let out a muffled yelp. 'It stings, it stings, it stings,' That was all her mind would repeat when her arm was under the tap. It started to sting even more when the antiseptic was wiped over. She gave out a few droplets of tears followed by a whimper as she wraps her arm in bandages. She washed the razor and kept it in it's respective place and went out. 

One day, when the school had conducted an event to see if any student had diseases, the doctor brought Lottie grave news. "You have...leukemia. I'm sorry. And such a young age too. You're diagnosed pretty late. You have about, give or take, another 5 months. Unfortunately, there is no known cure for leukemia so please enjoy life while you can. But does any of your family members have had leukemia before?" he asked. Lottie nodded. "One of my family member passed away because of leukemia." The doctor hummed softly. "Ah. That explains it. Leukemia is passed down by genetics so you could have had this because of this family member." he explained. "Thank you very much, doctor. But if you could...please keep this a secret from everyone." she said. "Alright, Princess. But even from your parents?" he asked. "Especially the royal members." Lottie said. The doctor nodded and Lottie left, thanking him. "So? What was the result?" Jamie asked. "I'm aaaallll healthy!" Lottie beamed. "'Course you are." Ellie grinned hitting her on her arm. Lottie winced and pulled back her arm. "Huh? What's up?" Ellie's smile fell. "Nothing at all." she replied. She was breaking inside. How was she supposed to even break the news to her friends? Simple. She won't.

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T.B.C! Hehe. Love y'all! Thanks for the support!

-Jamie