Incomplete

Incomplete chapter 6

Incomplete: Six.

     First period was pre-calc. What a way to start. I mean, how am i supposed to be expected to know all those things when i'm still totally zoning out, half asleep? Maybe i should start taking cold showers in the mornings i have this class first, just to wake me up.

     I don't even remember what we learned. I just sort of rested my head on the desk, and then the bell rang for the next class...woops. Oh, well. I have an A, anyway (God only knows how).

     Second period was, for all intents and purposes, a free period. Well, technically it was called Study Hall. I usually used this period to catch up on whatever math homework i missed the previous period, or sometimes to sleep some more. But today was different.

     I was feeling fidgety and nervous, thinking about what Jazz and i had talked about this morning during homeroom.

     I snapped back to reality quickly when i saw a pair of icey blue eyes watching me not inches from my face. I nearly fell out of my chair, throwing my arms back and screaming, "Whoa!"

     Lyssa laughed with just a hint of apology in her tone. "Hey to you, too. I think i have a knack for this." She leaned her elbows on the table and rested her chin in her palms, watching me with this big grin.

     "What's 'this'?" I asked, regaining my ability to breathe evenly.

     "Scaring you," she answered simply. Well, okay then.

     She looked down, and now i was the one staring at her. "Something you want to say?" I asked.

     She looked back up at me, and nodded. I smiled invitingly.

     She took a deep breath and said, "Auden..." Shivers. "...I want you to tell me about your brother. Please? I'm so curious! I know i'm not supposed to ask, and it's probably totally private, but...i think you need to talk to someone. I think you should definitely talk to someone! And i'm right here, willing to listen, and...and..." she trailed off, eyes darting every which way - as long as they avoided me.

     I just smiled at her sadly, and we sat in silence for a few moments while i thought about all she had said. It's true it would probably help if i told someone.

     "Okay, i'll tell you."

     Her body went stiff, and then relaxed as her eyes met mine. More chills. The expression on her face was a mixture of apology, sadness, and excitement. A strange combination, but she pulled it off easily. I took a deep breath and began my story.

     "Ever since my brother left us not even a year ago, my parents have been edgy about...well, about a lot of things. And they've definitely been much more strict. Probably a way to relieve the stress that won't stop building up, because they never sit down to just talk about it; let it go.

     "They were always biased towards him. For one, he was basically a little genius. He always only talked about practical things, and he never dreamed "too far-fetched". Really, he just never had dreams of his own.

     "Well, that's what my parents thought, anyway.

     "They saw him as a sort of robot, i guess. Even he knew how ashamed i was in how little my parents respected me, as a person. They tossed me aside so easily when he had proven worthy. And he knew that.

     "He was never mean to me in any way, and we had a really good relationship. Because of his intelligence, he had problems in more social situations. Actually, he had been diagnosed with social anxiety when he turned eight. When you think about it, he actually had really bad luck.

     "Our parents didn't exactly look at him as their son...more like a trophy. A prize. Something they owned. They were proud, sure, but not in a loving way. Not in the way a dad would be proud of his son for catching his first baseball, or a mother would be proud of her son for treating others with the utmost respect, even when everyone knows how much he hates them.

     "They looked at him like the perfect genius. Someone they could probably make a fortune off of in the future, even.

     "He was amazing at all kinds of math, and every science you can think of. Those were his forte, and i really did envy him for that. He could get perfect grades without even trying, you know? I'm not stupid, myself, but compared to him, i was just...i was nothing.

     "I found out when i was a freshman - so, two years ago? - that my brother envied me, too. I couldn't think of any reason he would. I mean, sure, the genius usually envies the average kids whose parents love them just as that - as parents. But he knew our parents didn't give two shits about me as long as he was around. So why would a guy like him want to be like someone like me?

     "And i found out..." I trailed off then. I looked at Lyssa and smiled at her anticipation. I don't think she probably realized she was leaning forward on her seat, closer and closer to the edge.

     "And you found out...?" A hint of impatience. I chuckled lightly and continued for her.

     "And i found out that he envied my creativity. He was surrounded by pure logic - he had no imagination of his own. He wanted to be able to write poetry, stories, music...that was what he wanted. He loved to read fiction more than any textbook, though my parents would never allow him, of all people, to do so. I snuck in the books for him. And he loved listening to rock more than classical." I shrugged, "We both wanted something we knew we could never obtain, i guess. And we were both neglected in some way or other by our parents.

     "That's just how things were, you know? But we had each other, so we didn't care. We spent all this time together, hiding away in my room at night.

     "And then, a year ago, i did something..." I frowned and put my face in my hands. "I did something horrible. And now he's out of my life forever. He won't ever come back. I wonder how my parents would hate me if they knew it was my fault that he...oh, God." Tears began to form in my eyes. "I-I'm sorry, i just..."

     She put her hand on my shoulder. "Now that's a secret you're not ready to confide in anyone." She rubbed it comfortingly, and i leaned in and hugged her.

     "What's your brother like?" I asked to change the subject.

     "He's an annoying little twit," she laughed as she pulled away to look into my eyes. "He plays video games in all of his free time, and he's way too loud and obnoxious. He thinks he knows everything, when really he's just repeating the words he hears me and my friends say. And then he tries to tell me i'm not using them right. But..." she put on a thoughtful look. "When i have to babysit him, at the end of the night he'll always thank me and tell me he loves me. He'll give me a kiss goodnight and say it over and over until i leave the room. And when i tell him no, he gets these tempertantrums...but when he gets over them, he'll come over and give me these huge hugs and apologize to me." She shrugged. "He's annoying, but i love him." She smiled. "I love him."

     I smiled warmly at her and gave her another quick hug before hearing the bell ring.

     "I'm really glad you had me talk to you," I told her. "Do you, uhh...do you wanna come over today? My mom'll be home, since she doesn't work today. But hey, if you're fine with that tyrant..." I shrugged and she laughed.

     "Yeah, that'd be really cool. I'll just go home with you after school, then?"

     "Yeah. Yeah, definitely."

     I smiled and watched her all the way out the door, until she turned the corner and out of sight.