come back around..

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"I mean...where do I start?"

in which your secret life is exposed to the one person you hid it from the most

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in which your secret life is exposed to the one person you hid it from the most...

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"mia baby listen to mommy please, come on put on your shoes," I asked her, she giggled nodding her head as she slid on her uggs.

"Okay mommy I ready!" she cheered as I smiled at my beautiful baby. a blessing in my life that keeps me going.

Mia is Chris's daughter. I found out after we broke up.

Chris and I parted ways when I found out he had been sleeping around my cousin.  I mean it was obvious but I was so caught up in being "in love" I didn't realize he wasn't good for me until it was too late. I had loved him so hard..past all the bullshit till it broke me.

The history between us is very interesting, I cherish what we had...the good and the bad. The longest relationship I've ever been in and I can never bring myself to say I regret it. I live, I learned, and I loved to the point where I can sleep knowing those things that drew us apart were not of my own doing.

he just lost interest.

All the bullshit we went through.
it was always together.

I regret believing the lies and constant excuses...times he'd come home with god knows how many hickeys and smelt of another girl's perfume.

It was his lifestyle before we met and he somehow picked it back up.  I was blind to it for a while but then shit started to click. That dummy energy I let off started to subside into anger, I was finally fed up.

The constant coming home at all hours of the night and the times he'd take his phone everywhere.
he wouldn't dare to leave it on the couch while he went to use the bathroom, to the kitchen, everywhere. sitting at a table it was always face down, he had changed the passcode after his second time cheating..took my fingerprint off, and everything.

one time when he was asleep, someone had called his phone three times back to back and I had answered it. It was some girl calling to tell him "last night was amazing..call me" with her number attached.

I had never felt that much rage in my life.
I just sat there and stared at his sleeping body for a second. Imagining his muffled screams as I suffocated him with the white pillow on the bed...

I had leaped for him, sending several blows to his chest as I straddled his lap. Just taking out everything I had bottle up over the last couple of months. Him begging me to calm down, telling me I was crazy delusional..but he knew what I knew. he'd always flip shit back on me. then he finally got a hold of me getting me to calm down. I remember bursting into tears and he just held me, whisper those sorry ass excuses in my ear and I believed them for the time being...

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