ACCOUNTANCY SERIES #1 - CHASE YOU NEVER

13

William Shakespeare was right when he said that parting is such a sweet sorrow. All this time, ang kailangan ko lang palang gawin is to free all these excess baggages that I've been carrying for years. Sometimes, letting go is the only way to free your self from being caged in the past. Syempre, kailangan mo ring tanggapin na may mga bagay na kahit gusto mong mangyari ay hindi na pwede because they are other person's blessing.

It has been two years since Austin and I reconciled. In fact, we decided to at least become friends. Naging magkaibigan din naman kami dati. It's just that, hindi na maibabalik iyong dating bond namin. Pamilyado s'yang tao. I am more focused on my dreams right now para sa akin at kila Lola at Clark.

However, si Arc naman ay nasa Australia pa rin dahil ongoing are construction project n'ya and he's now becoming prominent sa kanyang profession. He even sent me a video of his interview with some famous celebrities! At first, I was hesitant to let him go dahil natatakot ako na baka pagbalik n'ya, hindi na n'ya ako mahal.

I really do not know what I was feeling back then.I needed time to think. I needed time to breath in order for me to realize who is who. It's so hard to commit when you're not ready and when you're still unsure. So, I let him pursue his dreams and if I lost him in the process, edi another opportunity cost na naman katulad ni Austin! I'm still young and God's timing is always perfect.

**

Tandang tanda ko pa iyong pinag-usapan namin ni Austin a year ago nang magkita na naman kami sa convention ng mga CPA sa Cagayan de Oro. Maliit talaga ang mundo para sa mga accountant. The last time I saw him was on our Exit Conference doon sa company na in-audit ko na s'ya iyong previous auditor. Ofcourse, the management cooperated well during those times na maraming significant matter na kailangan ng revisions. So, my last external audit was smooth and sailing. After noon, nag-apply ako sa BIR and luckily I got accepted pero syempre, sa mababang posisyon palang. I have to work my ass off para mas marami akong matulungan dahil iba ang fulfillment kapag ang masa ang pinaglilingkuran mo lalo na 'yung mga underprivileged.

"If I tell you that I still love you, will you run away with me?" Hinawakan n'ya ang kamay ko kaya naman agad kong tinanggal ang kamay n'ya. Akala n'ya siguro ganoon lang kadali ang lahat ano?

"If you love me, you should have done those three years ago. Noong mahal na mahal pa kita to the point the I'm willing to defy gravity for you. Anong karapatan mong itanong sa akin 'yan?" I smiled bitterly reminiscing how I wanted him to choose me even just for once that time. Ako, palagi ko s'yang pinipili pero hindi n'ya ako kalianman pinili.

"I may have married Cielo, but you will always be my greatest love. Alam mo 'yun, there's still a void in my life that can't filled by anyone, even her being my wife." He sipped his wine and looked at the night sky. A tear fell from his eyes.

"You made me really happy, alam mo ba?" He smiled at me as he wipe his tears off his face. It's actually the first time that I saw him crying. He's usually cold and unbothered so it's a breath of fresh air to be emotional like this. I just tapped his shoulders. Wala rin naman akong masasabi kasi s'ya rin naman may choice e. Choice n'ya na mas sinundan n'ya 'yung alam n'yang tama sa oras na 'yon so he is the only person responsible for his action. Neither his dad nor me being his ex.

"Are you even happy?" I asked him. Ang layo na ng narating n'ya sa buhay. He should be proud of himself or at least give his self the credit he truly deserves.

"Yes, Chester is such a nice kid. Even though he's not my flesh and blood, I believe I raised him well. And Cielo, may be, time allowed us to reignite the love we have lost.

"Mabuti naman. At least, hindi nasayang 'yung sinakripisyo mong plano nating dalawa." We laughed as we watch our fellow accountants have on this annual event.

"Remember when you told me that It is us who plans but it is God who approves?" He laughed harder kasi that was the reckoning point of my undying love for him. That was the time we became official. As in hindi na innominate. As in may label at may rights and obligations na!

"Of course. Hindi ko naman inexpect na ikaw pala iyong gusto ko na ibibigay na hindi will ni Lord para sa akin. At least, we both achieved our dreams but on our own timeline. I get to teach students and you get to help people." Right. May mga plano man kaming hindi natuloy, at least mas bigger naman ang dumating. Siguro nga, when we meet people, they ar either a blessing or a lesson--- and in my case, he's a lesson that I should always learn. After our small conversation, lumapit naman sa amin si Cielo. She's the president of our local chapter so she's busy roaming around and entertaining the guests.

"Pagod ka na ba? You want water?" Pinaupo n'ya sa silya si Cielo habang pinangkuha ng inumin. She smiled at me so I smiled back at her, Yes,we're talking to each other. She's the wife after all, so, she deserves the courtesy from me. Humingi na rin s'ya sa akin ng tawad para sa mga nasabi n'ya noong engagement party. Although masakit, all of them aren't true since she knows, she loves Joven that time. Kaya nga s'ya nabuntis e. Isa pa, ang tanda ko na para magbitter-bitteran pa sa past. I should move forward especially now that I know where my heart belongs.

"You want wine?" Austin gave her a wineglass filled with wine but she refused.

"Not good for the baby." Nanlaki ang mata ko sa narinig ko! My goodness! They're having a baby! I can't contain my happiness for their family. Sana ako rin may family na. Lord, uuwi pa ba s'ya?

I can't help but to feel worried.

Am I still gonna have my own family and raise kids like them?

"Congratulations. Sana all may baby!" I told them but they just laughed at me. Kala mo naman nakakatawa kapag walang baby. Wala na nga akong anak, wala pang jowa! Mag-ampon nalang kaya ako? May aso naman ako kaya lang iba parin pag anak yung inaalagaan.

I tried to date kaya lang masyadong feeling entitled mga nakakadate ko. Hung hindi man, walang sense kausap. Walang mapupulot at puro kayabangan lang naririnig ko from them. Typical guy. I even adjusted my standards para lang hindi sila maintimidate sa akin kasi mabait naman akong jowa in the first place!

They were so happy at that moment kaya iniwan ko silang dalawa. Bahala sila. I got my things para makauwi na ako.

**

"Congrats, Cleir! Senior Accountant na! Kailan ka mag-aasawa?" Bungad sa akin ng Chief Controller namin. Medyo may edad na s'ya kaya naman for sure, magreretire na rin s'ya. Of course, I'm working really hard para sa rank na iyon. That was my dream though. Since college na rin n'yan si Clark, kailangan ko ng mas mataas na sahod although tumatanggap pa rin naman ako ng external audit job. Si Lola naman, hindi na ata makapaghintay na mag-asawa ako. As usual, makulit pa rin s'ya kaya medyo mahina na unlike before. Nalaman ko rin sa kanya na kilala n'ya si Austin dahil tinulungan n'ya pala si lola when I got hospitalized noong nadepressed ako. Dalawa sila ni Arc ang umagapay sa kanya.

"Hindi ko rin po alam e. Asawa nalang po ang kulang." I joked around but it's really true. My heart is so ready to settle down. Hindi na kami masyadong nag-uusap ni Arc. Greetings nalang tuwing may special occasions ang laman ng chat box namin.

Siguro, kung para sa akin, I have to do something para mapasaakin. I don't want to repeat the fucking history.

That day, I filed a leave of absence.

Hell, I've never been absent here!

Buong oras ko ang binigay ko sa trabaho. Walang kaagaw.

"Bakit biglaan yata ang pagli-leave mo madam?" Tanong sa akin sa HR Department.

"Gusto ko na po kasing mag-asawa. I can't lose this chance to be happy. I can't afford to have another opportunity cost."