Truth and Lies (Twice 10th member)

V

As I walk around Seoul in the middle of the night, I bumped to many families and friends who's hanging out and smiling like there's tomorrow.

Envy.

That't what I feel right now. I miss my family in the Philippines, at the same time, I can't hang out with my members because of schedules.

I stopped at Han river and sat down at one of the benches. I pulled out my phone and stare at 2 pictures at tge back of my phone.

My 18th birthday with my members and my family picture

The sudden ringing phone surprise me, I let out a big sigh before I answer it.

"Hello?"

"How are you, my precious daughter?"

I tried not to cry and sniff as I heard my mom's voice for the first time after a few weeks.

"I'm fine, Mom. Just a little tired because of practice." And tired of everything. "How 'bout you and the family? Does my two siblings still fight?"

"Don't worry about us, Baby. We're just doing fine all the time. By the way, have you eaten dinner?" My mom's voice became worried, these are the words that I used to annoyed me but tonight, it felt different.

"Yes, Mom. I've already eaten." I lied. I don't want her to worry about me anymore. A tear fell down to my eye and I instantly wiped it out as I don't want to hurt her.

"Well, we're about to eat dinner. Your Dad and I prepared your favorite dish because we can't stop thinking about you." I bitterly smiled as Mom said those words.

"Well, I have to go now, mom. Enjoy your dinner and sleep early, okay? I love you, mom. Tell Dad and my stubborn siblings that I love them and I miss them." We both chuckled and suddenly it became quiet.

"We miss you too, Sam. Always take care yourself, okay? We love you, our babygirl." As mom ended the call, the tears that I want to let out earlier, starts to fall down. I let my tears to fall down until my heart ache and feel numb. It's good thing that I'm the only one who's here so I can let it all out.

I tried to calm myself down, but I failed. I sobbed there for hours when I received a text message from one of my members.

"Where the hell are you? Call me."

"I'll be home in a few minutes." I text back and put my phone in my pocket. I started to walk back home but in a slow pace, so my face would not be bloated.

===================

I'm now standing infront of my door as I regained my posture. I know that behind this door are the people who's about to erupt. I let out a big sigh as turn the door knob.

"I'm home..." I take off my shoes and walk to the living room and there, the people who's waiting for me, crossing their arms and staring at me, sensing that I am in trouble.

"What time is it?" Jihyo unnie asked me as I tried to avoid her eyes.

"11:39." I look at my watch and look down.

"Where did you go?" Nayeon unnie turn to asked me.

"I went out to meet someone. I told Dahyun unnie about it."

"In the middle of the night? Do you know how much we're worried about you?! You're just only 18 years old, for pete sake, Sam! Everything can be happen to you especially you are an idol! You're just thinking for your own sake, and you didn't think about the people who's worried about you! You're being selfish, Sam. And I can't believe that we have a maknae like you." Jihyo unnie spitted out everything that she wanted to say. And these are the words that I never expect for them to say.

I keep my head down 'cause I don't want them to know that I'm hurting.

'People said that if the person is mad and spit a lot of words, don't believe them. for the reason that they can't control of what they're saying...'

But how do I do that? When the moment that I look to those eyes, there's no regret...

"Let's go now, and head back to our own dorm." Jeongyeon unnie tried to lift up the situation and she succeed. One by one, they went out to my dorm and Jihyo unnie is the last one to go out.

"I'm sorry, unnie." But she just passed by me and went out.

I let out my sigh as the door closes. I sat down at the sofa and rest my head at the rest head and close my eyes.

"We're lucky to have you as our maknae..."

"I can't believe that we have a maknae like you..."

Those words keep ringing inside my head and I felt some wet spot at my cheeks and figured out that I silently cry.

I keep letting out a deep sigh until my body feels numb.

I took out the polaroid behind my phone and stare at it...

"I'm sorry..."