Truth and Lies (Twice 10th member)

IV

"Okay, more power! You need to give all your energy!" Our choreographer shouted at us but deep inside I know that he is pertaining to me.

So I give all my best, my energy and passion in this but I don't think it's enough...

"Aishhh, okay. 45 minutes break." They went to the couch to drink and sit, while I went straight to the bathroom to clear my mind.

I splashed a lot of water in my face at stare at my reflection in the mirror.

You have been preoccupied these dayd huh..

Eversince I made that song, the ease of mind and my heart is not the same anymore. I always feel disappointed, anxious, and tired. Fortunately, the unnies doesn't have a clue to what I have been to and that's a good thing.

Soon, someone came at the bathroom so I pretend that I'm still washing my face.

"Sam, can we talk?"

I wipe my face using the facetowel that I bought and face her, our choreographer.

"I'm disappointed of you." I bowed my heads as I can't look in her eyes.

"You always memorize the choreo and have a powerful dance but now, I can't see that. Your passion in this comeback has nowhere to be found, I wanted to tell you earlier but I know you don't want to be embarassed infront of your members so that's why I'm telling you this here."

"You need to pick up yourself!"

I was about to say sorry but she left after she said that. I just sigh and stared at the mirror.

I really make people disappointed haha

I've been here for 15 minutes so I decided to spend my remaining break in the rooftop to clear up my mind.

I pull a chair into the edge and sat there. I watched all the people at the busy street in this downtown, not caring about other people and being a disappointment.

I stared at the skies who's now having a beautiful colors due to sunset. It makes me healed even for a short period of time.

[Take a deep breath
Until both sides of your heart gets numb
Until it hurts a little]

I released a deep sigh as I recollect all the bad things.

[Let out your breath even more
Until you feel
Like there’s nothing left inside]

"I'm disappointed of you..."

[It’s alright if you run out of breath
No one will blame you]

"Wait, what? Why did JYP pick a 13 year old kid to join Twice?"

[It’s okay to make mistakes sometimes
Because anyone can do so]

"She does a lot of mistake on stage yet the members excuse that she's just a nervous."

[Although comforting by saying it’s alright
Are just words]

"These are just words, okay? As long as unnie is here, everything will be alright." giving a comforting smile.

[Someone’s breath. That heavy breath
How can I see through that?
Though I can’t understand your breath
It’s alright I’ll hold you]

"That kid doesn't deserve to be in that spot..."
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I let out the deep sigh that I've been holding for too long...

Maybe I don't really deserve of what I have now...

brrt brrt

"Hey, practice cancelled. Wer r u?" Dahyun unnie text me saying that they are already at the parking lot.

"Go home now, unnie. I'm gonna meet someone."

The truth is, I don't have someone to meet. It's just... I wanna be alone for now.

No managers, no members, no practice.

Just me, and my problem.