The Hyenas {Dreamnotfound AU}

27. A Chance at Being Safe

George's POV

Leaving the bunker immediately shifts my thoughts to the outside dangers again. The three of us stand around the trapdoor, inspecting the bushes for anything unusual. I take the initiative to leave our hiding place, crawling through the fences until we're back to the alleyways. Now follows the harder task: find Fundy and Karl without being followed or murdered. I grab the sword from my back as a precautionary measure, listening around for sounds of other people moving, but I hear nothing.

"I think we should wait with trying to find them," Clay says behind me, but I ignore him and purposefully take a few steps into the alleyway. An annoyed sigh sounds behind me, before two sets of footsteps follow me. "George, it's too dangerous, we should wait a few days." I follow the same course of action, not responding to his words but instead moving forward. "This could get us killed," he continues after my silence, but this time I turn around and point my sword at him, poking the tip at his chest.

"I told you to stay home, and I'd go by myself. You persisted on coming, so stop nagging me with your shit and either follow along or go back. I don't give two fucks," I spit out at him, before taking back my sword and continuing to walk. I come to a halt as Bad speaks up.

"George, I know you're mad at him but he has a point," he says carefully. I clutch the sword as I try to make my anger settle down.

"Then leave," I say without turning to them.

"You're coming with us," Clay speaks up again. I ball my other hand into a fist, but I soon feel both my arms being grabbed. Looking sideways, Clay and Bad are holding onto me, trying to drag me back. In this moment, Clay would probably regret teaching me about self defense, as I kick at his knee, making him hiss in pain and grab at his leg. Strongest one down, I twist my arm to make Bad lose grip and push him off so he falls and lands besides Clay.

"Now go back to the bunker and leave me the fuck alone," I growl out, looking at both of them before turning back around and continuing my way through the alleyway. I don't hear them follow me any further, so for the first time since the first night, I'm outside the safe border completely by myself, with nobody to protect me.

Being alone gives me some room to think. I kind of startled myself with how quickly I reacted when Clay and Bad grabbed onto me. I don't think I've defended myself like that before. Sure, I stabbed Tommy and Technoblade, but those were messy and uncoordinated. I didn't know what I was doing those times. This time, it was completely intentional, and I was well aware of what I was doing.

Am I becoming someone else? I used to be too scared to do anything like that. I fainted after what happened with Tommy, but with Technoblade, I've barely even given it a second thought. And now I fought off my own friends. I kicked Clay intentionally. But then again, he said some really nasty things to me, and I really am hurt about it. Just a kick to the knee isn't half as bad.

I walk around the streets quite carelessly. You could call it stupid, but somehow I just don't give a shit. If I'm willing to hurt Clay to keep him off of me, I can take on a Hyena that's jumping out to get me. If I can poke a sword at Clay's chest and not feel guilty about it, how would I not be able to threaten the people who are the real dangers? My mind wanders back to the day at the field for a moment. Not the one where I stabbed a man, but the one where Clay almost kissed me. Thinking about it gives me a nasty ache inside my chest, pushing away any butterflies that were there before.

Why does one argument make me feel like this? How come he properly hurts my feelings one time, and I suddenly feel like he's a whole different person to me? He tried to apologize, but I was the one not wanting to hear it. He tried to protect me by taking me back to the bunker just now, he wanted to keep me safe. But I don't think I want to be protected anymore. Has this feeling been growing inside of me for longer than I thought? I thought I was doing fine, I thought I was in love with him, and that there was hope for a future, back inside the walls. Maybe I fooled myself. Maybe I just wanted something to clutch onto, to make myself think this place isn't half as bad. I needed a crutch, I needed something to make me believe surviving was worth it. Is it worth it?