Episode Nine *COMPLETED*

Chapter 2: Awkward Conversations

I pushed down my impending anxiety as I knocked on Charlie's trailer door. He answered, also having changed into his normal attire. He was wearing a white tee and gray sweatpants, and his hair was tied back with a bandana. 

"Hey Mads, come on in!" He beckoned me and I stepped into his trailer as he closed the door behind us.

Charlie was an oddly tidy individual, it always amazed me just how clean he kept his trailer despite our rigorous filming and practice schedule. No wonder living with Owen drove him crazy, the man liked his space to be spotless. Seeing how clean his place was reminded me that I needed to do some organizing myself.

I took my regular seat on Charlie's gray futon, ordained with two red pillows I liked to snuggle. I quickly grabbed the pillow closest to me and hugged it to my chest. Charlie chuckled and smiled at me fondly as he grabbed his guitar and took his place next to me on the futon. I reached over and grabbed our songbook, turning the pages to our song in progress.

We worked on the song for about an hour, and I was in my element. I could almost hear what the song should sound like, but something was missing. I was deep in thought, humming the melody we had been working on while intently writing down a few lyrics in our songbook.

"Mads?" Charlie suddenly spoke up.

"Hm?" I hummed in response, still focusing intently on the task at hand.

Charlie paused for a movement, taking a breath before continuing.

"Why were you avoiding me?" Charlie finally asked, strumming a few chords softly as he waited for her response.

That was something he did often, continue playing while having a conversation. It was as if he couldn't manage to sit still for even a moment, a song always playing in his mind.

It was time to come clean.

I sighed as I set our songbook down and turned to face him, crossing my legs underneath me body to sit more comfortably. I hugged the red pillow even tighter, hoping it would bring me the security that I needed to have this conversation.

Charlie removed his guitar and set it to the side, and I knew I had his full attention.

God, I wasn't ready for this.

"I don't know, I guess I've just been feeling weird about the end of episode 9." I confessed, my eyes avoiding his gaze.

"Do you mean the kiss?" He prompted gently, and I nodded.

"I've been wanting to check in with you to see where you are with all of that. You've seemed freaked out ever since we rehearsed the scene." He said gently and my eyes fell to my lap shyly.

It wasn't that I didn't want to tell him how nervous I was about the whole thing. I was worried that he would take offense or laugh at my fear of kissing him or being kissed in general. I started playing with my hands, picking at my fingers in a desperate attempt to suppress my nerves.

"Mads, you know you can tell me anything. It's okay if you're scared for your first on screen kiss." He encouraged softly.

I let out a breath I didn't know I had been holding. My eyes remained glued to my fidgeting fingers.

"It's not just my first on screen kiss." I whispered as my face flushed, praying that he would understand what I meant.

It was silent for a moment as the gears turned in Charlie's head before realization dawned on him.

"Oh..." He finally voiced.

"Yeah..." I responded quietly.

I hated this. I had never felt more inexperienced and exposed than I did in that moment. There was part of me that was surprised that he didn't know I had never kissed anyone, considering how many times I had joked about it with him and the boys. Perhaps he thought I was only joking, rather than pulling from my real life singleness.

"Hey." Charlie said gently, his hand moving to rest on my shoulder.

My eyes met his at the contact, brown meeting hazel.

"It's okay. We'll figure it out." He assured me, a kind smile on his face.

After searching his eyes for any trace of mockery or humor, all I found was undying support and understanding. I finally let myself relax and I returned his smile. It felt like the weight of the situation was being lifted from my shoulders.

"Okay." I replied, and Charlie was quick to grab his guitar again.

We picked up right where we left off, finishing the majority of the song until all that was left was the chorus.

Yes I still had to kiss him in a week, and yes that would be awkward. But we were in this together, and that thought gave me the comfort I needed to be okay with it.