A Marauder's Guide to Falling Forever

Chapter Fifty

Sirius

The end of October drew near and still Sirius was still no better off. The temperature outside the cottage drastically declined from the hot heat of summer, and chilled into something much more worthy of winter than fall. Despite the fact that he had not stepped foot outside of the cottage in months, the change in weather seemed to dampen his mood even more so than before.

"This is difficult to say Padfoot," James told him on a particularly cold afternoon. Tiny flakes of snow were falling like glitter outside the living room window where Sirius watched emotionlessly.

"You want me to leave," he responded dully.

"I don't want - "

"Lily then."

"Neither one of us wants you to leave, Sirius," James said firmly. "But Emmeline said you could move into her spare room if you wanted."

"You mean Marlene's old room?" Sirius barked at him bitterly.

James' expression turned horrified. "I didn't even think - " he trailed off without finishing his sentence.

Sirius pulled at his hair and his eyelids fell. "I'm sorry. I'm being a prat and you don't deserve it."

James sounded defeated when he replied, "You're grieving Sirius. I understand that."

"I'll find somewhere else to stay. I just won't go back there." Sirius knew that he had overstayed his welcome. James and Lily weren't forcing him to go anywhere, but he knew that they would be more than justified to do so.

"Emmeline also offered to pack and clean up for you if you'd like."

Suddenly Sirius felt like snapping again. The good intentions behind Emmeline's offer were not lost to Sirius, but the thought of her touching Marlene's things was too painful to endure.

With great effort he held himself together. "No, I will do it."

"You don't have to do that - " James attempted to say.

And Sirius interrupted him. "Yes. I do."

There were a few moments of silence before James opened his mouth to speak. It hung open and then closed like he had changed his mind before opening up again. "There's something else," James said slowly. He looked conflicted and when he threw his hand through his hair, his trademark move from adolescence, Sirius knew he was nervous too.

"Go on then."

"Lily and I think we should choose another secret keeper. At least for the time being."

Sirius stared at him for a moment. Then he moved his gaze to stare back out the window to watch the falling snow. "Alright then."

"Yeah?" James asked, still sounding apprehensive. Sirius couldn't really blame him, he knew that he was like a ticking time bomb, unpredictably detonating at unreasonable notice.

"I'm not the best choice right now. I get that."

"It's not as if we don't trust you, Padfoot. I trust you with my life. Quite literally. I just think...with what happened...you know...?"

"I get it mate. I'll be next."

He knew that with absolute certainty. From the moment they performed the fidelius charm he knew he would be an obvious target. Dumbledore had even warned them. It was another reason to feel guilty again about leaving Marlene to travel home alone.

He couldn't make that mistake again.

"I bet Dumbledore would do it if you asked," Sirius suggested, turning back to look at his best friend. "He was willing before."

"We had another person in mind, actually." James raked his hair again and instant rage tore through Sirius.

"Absolutely not!" he growled. "I'll off myself and let your secret location forever be lost before I let you make Moony your secret keeper."

"I thought you might have that reaction," James sighed. "But there's also another option."

"What other option is there?" Sirius was still seething. How could James be so stupid enough as to trust Remus. Not after the many months he had been spying for Voldemort. Sirius still hadn't found any definitive proof, but his hatred for Remus had grown tenfold since Marlene's death.

"Wormtail."

Sirius stared blankly at James. And then he howled with laughter. The thought was ludicrous. Absolute madness. And that was why it was so perfect.

James was giving him a funny look. "Is the idea so preposterous then?"

"On the contrary mate. Not even I considered Peter as a viable option. Why on earth would anyone else suspect him?

And so, the day before Halloween, unbeknownst to anyone other than the four friends, Peter Pettigrew willingly exchanged places with Sirius as the Potters secret keeper.