diary of a living dead girl

days of the week

Dear diary. Auuuuuuuugh, wait that's not enough u's Auuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh. Once again I am being dramatic because I am within a pickle. In a pickle but within it sounded better. First starting off by saying I was sick all weekend and taking drugs did nothing to help. Though I did sleep a lot. Which was nice cause Monday night I barely slept. I crashed my bike and tore up my hand's. But that's not the pickle. The pickle is Tommy. He's in the play as Audrey 2 how I don't know. He doesn't have the spunk, the passion, the range the plant is. All he has is a low voice which augh apparently is good enough.

I Could sing his parts, give a performance that would captivate all. A voice that would leave them on the edge of their seats. But I'm stuck playing Seymour. "I was walkin in the wholesale flower district" something like that. But I will admit I am liking the songs and I look good in suspenders. Real good. But Claire plays Audrey, my love interest. And she like totally bad at like acting. She talks like that by the way. I tried to get Bertha to audition for the shop owner, no singing just lines but she said she'd rather work behind the scenes. So It's just me and these two blonds. Augh blonds. I wish someone like me could take over for Audrey 2.

There's no avoiding them. I'm stuck spending all free time I'm not studying, working, writing, with them. Not Like I wanna be home right now. Delia's still up to her tricks, making just enough dinner for her and dad. Not like I care, I hate her cooking. She's just doing it to piss me off, still gunning me for the things I said. Well if she's gonna be petty then I'm gonna ghost her. There's no hope in having an honest conversation with a woman that has such...tunnel vision. And don't get me started on my dad. He walked around the house with this guilty look on his face any time he sees me. Biting his lip like he wants to say something. And this is cruel of me but I don't have time for a heart to heart with him when I know he's just gonna behave the same as always.

He's gotten better about burying himself in his work and actually acting like he cares. But when something big comes up he always falls back into old habits. Taking on more work then he should and hold up in his study for days or even leaving for a week or two. Like nothing matters except his work. But a side effect of having to get my own dinners is I keep getting absorbed in my school work or memorizing my lines that I forget to eat. Who knew it was so hard to remember to take care of yourself with life in the way.

Everything's been so all over the place, its making me have different nightmares. Haven't dreamt of that bug since the whole Crystal lake thing. Ah Jason, he was so real I swore I could feel his cold arms around me. Holding me tightly. But I just woke up from a nightmare stem mostly from the blondies I've been rehearsing with. Dreamt that I had curly blond hair and a pink hat on top. I was supposed to give a piano show but the keys were gone. All that sat there were teeth all sharp and long. The crowd was silent and when I went to go play it, the thing snapped open and I swear it grew white stripes. I jolted awake.

That's the other thing I keep dreaming about stripes. Not even Him anymore just stripes. I'm sure I'm losing my mind in the mix of everything. Feeling things that aren't there, seeing things that aren't real. Hearing things in the back of my mind. Like a ghost of a ghost. Taunting me, reminding me of someone I use to treasure. Someone who made the whole world upside down and made me feel seen. Even if he has some selfish moments he was funny. I remember smiling with him a lot, there wasn't a time a chuckle wasn't in my throat. But I'm glorifying the past.

It's better if I distract myself I'd hate for the cravings to start again. Maybe I'll eat something, maybe I'll finish this assignment I'm doing for extra credit. Or maybe I'll take my bike out and take pictures of the skyline.

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Lydia closed her diary and laid it on her lap. She sat back on her bed, using the head board to keep her up. She huffed at her own writing. Thinking her entries over. She looked out her window, only seeing her curtain. She tossed her book to the side and got up from her bed. She walked over to her window, gripping the fabric she pulled it to the side. It was still fairly dark out but it was lightning. There was nothing really to see aside from a forest leading away from the town. She stared out at the changing trees, the orange and browns starting to take over the once green leaves. Staring out she couldn't help the lyrics that fell from her lips.